Sunday, May 13, 2012
I have about two weeks of back story I kept meaning to write about (non-stress test, not moving, being admitted in the hospital, etc.), but then my baybee had to stop getting a certain flow from him cord & a doctor walked in talking about how I get a csection, to which I said, "I know, a repeat plus he's breech still..." but then he looked at me oddly and said, "oh no, I mean you'll need one now. Soon. We need to get your baby out. Today."
Cue my ugly, hysterical crying that only lets me hear bit and pieces of the discussion. Cord not flowing. Cutting off flow. Possible brain damage like a stroke could cause. Spraying lungs with something to help them stay open. No time for steroid shots. No time to do anything. Come with me, heres your paperwork, go to the hospital right now, we've got an OR open for you in about 90 minutes.
All I took from it was your baby isn't dead, but he might be broken. And dead soon if we aren't careful.
My ugly crying ass was then walked to another hall where this doctors nurses were so they could give me paperwork and call the hospital. The bigger one I had to deliver with because it has the nicu.
NICU. Intensive care. For my baby.
We talked politics on our way to the hospital. It just seemed right. I got it on monitors for the next hour while everything was prepped. I watched his heart have decels. All while thinking about if all of his had been done, would Joel be alive? I was pretty much in shock still being rolled back & prepped. People were nice and amusing, it wasn't as focused on scary as I thought it'd be. Once surgery started o was crying off & on. This sucked. I had a nice clear view of the room across the hall that was labelled "infant recitation room." At 3:34pm realized all the ruckus going on was my baby was being pulled into the world, while he reached up still in my womb & started grabbing at the doctors tools. It's like a horror movie really, we have it on video, this little hand reaching up out of the incision & attempting to pull in clamps. He's sassy.
Without a sound from him hes placed on a warmer & the nicu works on him. I officially lose my shit. He's moving and lets out a couple sad cat sounding cries. He's breathing on his own. Something we didn't expect for a 33 weeker. He's bundled & brought over to me to touch before taking his super special private nicu elevator up two floors. I don't have my full ugly cry at this point, but I am crying. And telling him I'm sorry he couldn't stay in there longer. And he's whisked away. A call back in about 10 minutes tells us he is 5lbs 1oz, which I impressive to everyone. Which also showed the cord problem was caught early because he had continued growing. Id later find out he was 18 & 1/8 inches long. And blonde. Like woah. And with that, I had my tubal that I'd just decided on like a week before this. All of my complications showed that my body needs to be sure it's done. A bit sad, but more relief to be honest. And once that's done I return to my room, sans baby. Again.
I'm moved to the ghetto recovery room (who decided to make labor rooms glorious but recovery rooms crappy?) & I'm alone. Adam goes to do something that needs done finally. I'm hit with serious pain that had me crying while writhing around on the bed. I ask for pain meds, but I'm finally told that none of my info has been put in the system yet so I can't have anything. It was about 30 minutes before they gave me a Percocet but by then I was so bad it didn't help so they agreed to give me an injection of morphine. A few hours later my perocet did nothing (again, took it late because silly me didn't ask & they don't offer), & I again hysterically cried in bed, writhing in pain, begging someone to help me, but this nurse said if the perocet didn't help, too bad because that's all she was going to give & walked out the door. I was up for the next 3 hours, crying & squirming trying to ease the pain. I eventually cried myself to sleep...only to be woken up 6 times in 2 hours randomly.
Of course, in between pain episodes, Adam tells me the nurse said that visiting hours end at 10, but if at any point in the night I feel up to coming up I can. And that finally happened at 1am. I finally got to see this wee thing that had given me so many issues the past 33 weeks. Seeing a tiny baby in a plastic box with wires & machines hurts. It physically hurts you. I did get to hold him but now you have the hurt of holding this tiny creature and never wanting to let him go, but having to avoid tugging those previously mentioned wires & cords. I can't hold me however I want, I can't just unwrap him & stare at his feet. I can't just nurse him. And when it's time to leave, you get to shut and lock him back in his plastic box. In case you can't tell, it sucks. Now the good news.
According to NICU, he's much more like a 35 weeker. He's never needed any oxygen. The IV that was suppose to be in for the first 7 days was taken out on day 4. He's holding down about 40ml each feeding, including milk I pump. He's also able to nurse during tube feedings that I'm there for, something else that wasn't suppose to happen for at least a week. He's never required oxygen & hasn't had any apnea or Brady episodes (Brady's are NICU lingo , I'm hip). He lost about 6ozs, but as of today gained 2 of those back. There is no weight requirement for discharge, just being stable, eating, & passing a car seat test. He's stable, we just have to get him on oral feedings 100%.
That's Reid. And my boob. He'd just nursed for the very first time. OH HI THERE BAYBEE!
We have no estimated discharge. They've not said & I'm far too scared to ask. I think I'm going to ask Monday. Well, I hope they will just tell me something Monday. Rounds are about 10am, I'm hoping to be there for them. The doctors are very nice, so that's a plus. Nurses have also been good, minus the one weird moment where I asked for an update from him overnight & she looked at me like I had a penis growing out of my forehead. But you'll have that I suppose.
Soon I'll share a tour of the NICU with you peeps. I'm on maternity leave but without a baybee. And I can't be alone with my older boys because I can't do anything. So I have to fill my spare time with something.
Let's all ponder.