Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Nights are the worse.

I don't know what it is about the night time, but they are the worse. I guess that's when I have time to thing, when I have time to really think. And thinking this week hurts. Physically hurts. My chest is constantly tight. I'm snotty because this is night 3 in a row that I've cried. I work hard not to just scream & cry as loud as possible, which hurts as well.

It's just after midnight on May 25th. It's officially the eve of D-Day.

That's death day.

I can't remember him. And some things, I never even thought to look at. So some things I don't know.

I hate myself for not knowing. I hate myself for not making myself realize that I needed to look at little things to try to remember them. I hate myself for not taking more pictures. I hate myself for letting him die. And I hate everyone who forget him or refuses to remember him over the next couple of days. And I hate anyone who only took his death as a story to spread around like cheap gossip.

And I hate spam comments, like the following one which was on this post about Jules saying he was going to die like Joel:

Those little guys are the craziest, toddlers are the funniest haha

I hope people that should care about him actually do over the next few days.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

He's a hack, too.

I previously mentioned that The Blair was going to have eye surgery. So here is the update to that.

In case you're wondering why, when Blair was about 2 weeks old I noticed while feeding him that his eye seemed gunky. Being a hippy, I put breast milk in it. OK, I put it all over his face & eventually got some in his eye. Bad aim, I'z got it. Anyway, after a week & no improvement we started our doctor cycle. His eye was always gunky, but often I'd be green or yellow. Blocked tear duct is a fairly normal thing. But we were dealing with constant infections. Eventually we were sent to an eye doctor who told us what we already knew..."massage" it to get the gunk out, or as I started calling it, "milk his eye," use ointment when bad or gunk is colorful, & just wait for it to open or wait until the 1 year mark to probe it. That, my friends, is called a wasted chttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifo-pay.

Anyway, I became an eye gunk milking pro. Kinda scary really. I have weird talents, none of which will get me far in this world. But I do what I do. Back to the topic at hand. We went back last week for his close to one year mark. His eye had been getting better, but still had bad days. Here we are, doing a myspace picture at the doctors office.

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We were bored, don't judge me.

Doctor comes in & tells me, again, things I already knew. Asked if we wanted to go ahead & do the probe, I said sure. She ask, "how's tomorrow for you?"

Ummmmm...honestly it's shitty. I have a job lined up, babysitters ready, & overall totally unprepared for the idea of surgery in like 12 hours.

But that doesn't come out of my mouth. What comes out is, "Oh, that's fine!"

They tell me they are calling to check to see if it's available, which it is. I'm sent home with instructions about pre-op, but I just keep saying, "yeah, he just got ear tubes, we know the drill."

Rest of the evening is pointless to the story, so let's fast forward to the morning.

*hack hack...hack hack*

"What is that?" I ask Adam. He tells me it's Blair coughing.

A few more times over the night & into the morning...

*hack hack*

I kept thinking, "I should just cancel" but I thought it was that not wanting to do this surgery thing & I pushed those concerns back. The coughing stopped. We make our journey over to the hospital before 7am. Park. Walk, in the rain, to the door. Get up to the hot outpatient center & answer a bunch of questions that were already in the computer. All during this, I'm wrestling a baybee that wants to be down moving & shaking, not held by me while I report that Blair is unmarried & a non-smoker who doesn't drink.

Go back, nurses are all night. He gets a gown nurse says she's sorry it's pink. I'd like to meet the parent that gets pissy because their childs surgical gown is gender inappropriate.

"I know my kid is about to get surgery, but this pink shit is fucking stupid!"

He's 23lbs. He's 29 inches, maybe 30. He's got a heart rate & an O2 rate which was only 98 but they figure it's just where he's squirming around. It's just after 8 when a nice anesthesiologist comes in. We go through general questions, I tell him he had tubes & did fine...

*hack hack*

Doctor stops & ask how long he's had that cough. I tell him "overnight & this morning. But it's not very often."

*hack hack*

...I think my son just called me a liar.

Doctor makes some faces. Goes into how if he'd had it a while it'd be less of a deal, but where it's new it could be new inflammation, which could cause complications. As he's saying this, he makes he way over to a chair for patients. As I see this, I go ahead & start making Blair a bottle knowing this shit wasn't going on.

*hack hack*

I agree that we don't want to take any chances with his airway considering how tiny it is in a baybee Blair's age. He goes to call the eye doctor.

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Blair is all like "LOL, you think I'm going to let you do this to me?" *hack hack*

I send Adam a text, to which he responds with "..." but once I explain the situation, he agrees that it makes sense.

But now we've got to wait on our discharge papers.

Blair is all like, "What you doin' sitting?!"

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"Come up lady, smile, you just cancelled work & all that jazz for a practice run at surgery! And it's 8am & you're going to get to carry me out in the pouring rain again already, woohoo!"

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"Come on bitch, let's hit the bricks."

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Oh crap, I'm a baybee, how do I get out of here?"

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"Ummm...this doesn't lead anywhere?! What's up with this crazy place?! Baybee's can't just get out easy?!"

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"Oh well I'll just flop down & make baby noisies. *hack hack* By the way, you know if grandma ever finds out you let me lay in this hospital floor, she's totally going to go off on you. LOL at you mom."

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Blair has a real potty mouth sometimes.

I loaded up. Made my way out of the overly warm hospital. Made my way through the icky rain to the car. Make my calls to let people know that Blair doesn't have surgery afterall. He would cough sometimes during this time to let people know he was hacking & totally wasn't faking.

I called his doctor, since the hospital told me to. Like I knew they'd tell me, unless it's with other symptoms they don't think there is anything to do since it just started within the past few hours.

So once again I'm reminded to always listen to my gut because I knew better than to take him with that cough. Hell, I knew better than to do something like that at the last minute. Life lessons, I keep going through them.

He's fine. The couch just started up again today, I'm guessing it's from allergies. Adam has the same issues, which started after a rain storm started oddly enough.

Now I'm hoping his eye gets all better on it's own. Because I can't deal with another event like this. I think my baybee has had enough hospitals & doctors for a long time...I'd like to stop it now. It's not fun for any of us.

If you need an eye milked though, you know who to call.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I'm a hack.

I can't come up with anything that great to write about that isn't depressing, so I bring you my amusing facebook statuses.

Yes, I'm serious. I figure this also updates you on my life. Enjoy. Unless you're my facebook friend. If so, experience some deja vu.

Today's Maury..."Test me! Am I the father of my brothers baby?!" Now, I'm not a medical expert, but I'm thinking that's biologically impossible.

Jules is ignoring everything I say, house is a mess, Blair got a chip bag & shook it all out, & on my way out of the house, 10 minutes late, I found a dead mole in my dining room. So, basically, a normal day.

Sperm?
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Someone come clean my house...I'll give you some pussy*.
*Pussy cats, of course. Your pick of the pack!

Happy mothers day! A $300 bill for the ent, on top of the $500 bill for the surgery center for the tubes. Those things better stay put.

Someone parked outside the crack house is blaring Elton John's "Benny & the Jets." I'm annoyed, but impressed all at the same time.

Just saw my first ever hooker pick up.

Cockblocks. My house is full of cockblocks.

It's nice that people have changed their profile pictures, but I suddenly feel like all of my friends are kinda old.

There. I changed my profile picture to a picture of me & my mom.
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Thank goodness I have an iPhone. How else would I watch videos of fat cats anytime I wanted without it?

Jules made this. Seriously.
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There is a thing going around saying that if you're a proud mom, you'll post your kids birthdays & stats. Well, folks, I'll do you one better. I'll tell you that I've had 11 stitches in my vagina & my abdomen cut open & glued back together. I've also got an ass load of stretch marks & nursed children with my ample bosoms. I'm awesome.

Watching another "got lost in West Virginia, end up being killed by a inbred psycho" movie. In defense of my home state, I think the annoying fucks in these movies would be killed by someone in any state they got lost in. We'd just do the rest of you a favor.

I finally let Adam touch some pussy...as he plants it.
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I'm trying to work on the invites for Blair's birthday party. I'm having a hard time though, because all I keep wanting to type is "GODDAMN MY KID IS CUTE!" & I don't really think that's appropriate.

Did you know it was national depression week? Finally, a week in my honor! I'd have a party, but I don't want to get out of bed.

I want a copy of my cps file. They now tell me it'll take about a week longer. Why? Because the supervisor has to count the pages to tell me how much it'll cost for copies. A week to count pages? Really?

Oh & when I was shocked about that, she explained that she's "not even had time to go to the bathroom today." I told her she could count in the bathroom. No response. Mind you, I first requested them on April 22nd.

I guess that supervisor took my suggestion...I'm off to obtain my whopping 20 pages of file from cps. I'm considering paying the $5 in pennies.
And I did.

CPS is fucking shameful. My report is full of quotes from people they never spoke to. The quotes aren't even possibly correct, like one talks about us watching "all of her children" when she only has one. Worker took what I said & claimed it came from others. Fine for us, but what about kids who really need help? Pathetic.
Update on this in the future...may have cost someone a job & reporting them to the license board in the state.

While looking at my "recommendations for Jessica" I netflix, I mistakenly read a movie title as "Eat Me Out."

Bloody Penis?

Camo tarp's daughter just called me a skank. Some may be offended, but I'm thrilled. This is the first time I've been called a skank! At least to my face. I feel like I should get cake or something.

Self fulfilling prophecy: this afternoon I was called a skank...tonight, I'm texting pictures of my boobs to other chicks.

Little penis condoms? I had an ex who used these. Seriously.

Me teaching French? The only french I have experience with is that we joke that one of our cats is French. And he only says "sacrebleu" to everything.

I bet Toby Keith has been up all night, writing like 3 albums.
After the news of Osama's death.

Life lesson 3674...even in the freezer, shit can spoil.

Life lesson 3675...one should think things out better then to throw away a shit load of frozen foods & meat in May when trash day isn't until 4 days from now.

Today Jules told Blair, "this summer, you're gonna grow up & be my best friend."

As he throws food to the floor & looks for Murphy, Blair says "doh doh doh!". Either he's trying to say dog or he's Homer Simpson.

What my students can use for their math test.
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It's April 28th. That's 23 months.

What's this rash on my kid?
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Jules is allergic to amoxcilian (however the fuck that's spelled). Like mama!

I think it says something special about me when, on their way over to my house, my friend text me asking if I'm wearing pants.

Just realized that The Cat in the Hat is the story of some weird guy going into a house alone with kids whose mother is away & playing weird games with them. Hmmmm...

Jules shoves tp in his butt crack & tells us he has a tail.
I'm happy we can share these things with each other.

Charlie Brown came in my house & was all like "cook me some lunch, bitch." And I did. Because he's cute.
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Jules is so imaginative. Like just now, he wanted the "map" I was holding, which was a roll of cotton.
On a side note, ever think tampons look like maps? If you're 3 they do.

Why does the word "peanuts" have to sound so much like "penis?"

I had a 2nd grader tell me I bored him & to never even look at him again.
So I went & sat beside him.

Feel safe coming to our house if you have kids! All of todays guest have been checked against the sex offender registry, they are all clear.
We had a cook out.

It took 2 employees & the guy buying them to load 4 bags of concrete while I, beside them, loaded 4 bags of 50lb sand in my car alone. Pussies.

Jules found a shovel from his Easter basket. When Adam asked who he thought it was for he answered, sadly, "the orphans."

Jehovah witnesses just came to my door...and asked to speak to my mom.

Meet me at the ice cream truck, I'll buy you some ice cream!

Guys, I don't play farmville or any other ville game. I've got enough people, animals, & shit to keep alive in my real daily life, I don't need fake things to have to worry about, too. I can only care for so many critters at once. If I'm busy feeding fake cows, I'm going to be down a cat.

Have a drink? Why yes, I think I will!

In other news, Blair is getting eye surgery tomorrow. Clogged tear duct since birth, constant infections & gunk. So he's getting probed tomorrow morning. Poor kid.

Oh, just for the hell of it...
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CUTE!

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