My life is now nothing more than what ifs & what's missing.
I wonder what he'd be doing.
I would have been a good mom to him.
Or maybe I didn't deserve him.
I feel like I'm going to self destruct. Just explode from sadness and sorrow. I just want to scream until that happens. As loud and as long as possible. And even then, it won't express what I feel.
Drowning. I feel like I'm drowning and going to lose the few things in life that make it worth living. And sometimes, I don't even care. Because never having him made him my world. My world is gone forever. And that's unfair to everyone here. But it's the truth. I want HIM.
You always want those you can't have I suppose.
I want to hold him. Alive. I want to tell him I'm sorry and to not be scared. I want him to be warm and safe.
I don't know how one survives a lifetime of this.