Saturday, June 4, 2011


So the days came and went. The death date and the birthdate. It was hard. It sucked. People who didn't last year actually remembered. Of course disappointment continues when some people didn't. Can't ever be perfect. If things were perfect, I wouldn't be talking about my kid dying.

Yep, still hurts. Nope, never thinking it will end.

Getting through it. That's about all.

Planning a birthday party for Blair now. Well, we've been planning it. But actually moving forward. A week from now my baybee will be one. He's walking like a pro. It kinda makes me cry. He's a real by now.

I just wish all of my boys got the chance to be real boys.


  1. ((HUGS))

    I recently read this on a blog and thought of you. She has had a full term loss. She tells her heart wrenching story and then writes the following. I'll post the link to the whole post at the end if you want to read it. Hopefully you can find some connection with her post and feel a infinitesimally bit better.

    "Ten years to the day later, here I am. The mother of five kids. It would take at least four more epic blog posts to explain the rest of my journey, but that is a story for another day. People say that everything happens for a reason and that loss makes a person stronger. I think that’s crap. Sometimes things happen for no good reason at all. They just happen. This is coming from a woman of faith and I still believe this to be true. And did it make me stronger? No, not really. It did change me. The woman I was before Nina died was a vastly different woman than you see today, and not for the better. Not better, not worse, just very different.

    For those of you who have recently suffered from this kind of loss, I can tell you this…. time does help. It doesn’t heal the wound but it does dull the pain. When it happened to me I searched for answers on how long that would take, to feel better, to not cry, to not want to die, but nobody was able or willing to give me an answer to that question. But I want to let you know that it took me one year to smile for real, to really laugh, to feel again, to not feel guilt, to enjoy the sunshine.

    It does come, but know that it comes slowly and please, if your doctor does not offer you medication to cope with the grief, and you think that you need it, ask for it. It doesn’t mean that you are crazy or weak. It just means that you need some help. I sure wish I had asked for that type of help. Take each day one by one and do not think too much about the future. And finally, remember that you are not alone. There are others just like you who have made it through this loss and you will too.

    That is my story. I pray to God that it helps someone."



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