Sunday, May 15, 2011

He's a hack, too.

I previously mentioned that The Blair was going to have eye surgery. So here is the update to that.

In case you're wondering why, when Blair was about 2 weeks old I noticed while feeding him that his eye seemed gunky. Being a hippy, I put breast milk in it. OK, I put it all over his face & eventually got some in his eye. Bad aim, I'z got it. Anyway, after a week & no improvement we started our doctor cycle. His eye was always gunky, but often I'd be green or yellow. Blocked tear duct is a fairly normal thing. But we were dealing with constant infections. Eventually we were sent to an eye doctor who told us what we already knew..."massage" it to get the gunk out, or as I started calling it, "milk his eye," use ointment when bad or gunk is colorful, & just wait for it to open or wait until the 1 year mark to probe it. That, my friends, is called a wasted c

Anyway, I became an eye gunk milking pro. Kinda scary really. I have weird talents, none of which will get me far in this world. But I do what I do. Back to the topic at hand. We went back last week for his close to one year mark. His eye had been getting better, but still had bad days. Here we are, doing a myspace picture at the doctors office.


We were bored, don't judge me.

Doctor comes in & tells me, again, things I already knew. Asked if we wanted to go ahead & do the probe, I said sure. She ask, "how's tomorrow for you?"

Ummmmm...honestly it's shitty. I have a job lined up, babysitters ready, & overall totally unprepared for the idea of surgery in like 12 hours.

But that doesn't come out of my mouth. What comes out is, "Oh, that's fine!"

They tell me they are calling to check to see if it's available, which it is. I'm sent home with instructions about pre-op, but I just keep saying, "yeah, he just got ear tubes, we know the drill."

Rest of the evening is pointless to the story, so let's fast forward to the morning.

*hack hack...hack hack*

"What is that?" I ask Adam. He tells me it's Blair coughing.

A few more times over the night & into the morning...

*hack hack*

I kept thinking, "I should just cancel" but I thought it was that not wanting to do this surgery thing & I pushed those concerns back. The coughing stopped. We make our journey over to the hospital before 7am. Park. Walk, in the rain, to the door. Get up to the hot outpatient center & answer a bunch of questions that were already in the computer. All during this, I'm wrestling a baybee that wants to be down moving & shaking, not held by me while I report that Blair is unmarried & a non-smoker who doesn't drink.

Go back, nurses are all night. He gets a gown nurse says she's sorry it's pink. I'd like to meet the parent that gets pissy because their childs surgical gown is gender inappropriate.

"I know my kid is about to get surgery, but this pink shit is fucking stupid!"

He's 23lbs. He's 29 inches, maybe 30. He's got a heart rate & an O2 rate which was only 98 but they figure it's just where he's squirming around. It's just after 8 when a nice anesthesiologist comes in. We go through general questions, I tell him he had tubes & did fine...

*hack hack*

Doctor stops & ask how long he's had that cough. I tell him "overnight & this morning. But it's not very often."

*hack hack*

...I think my son just called me a liar.

Doctor makes some faces. Goes into how if he'd had it a while it'd be less of a deal, but where it's new it could be new inflammation, which could cause complications. As he's saying this, he makes he way over to a chair for patients. As I see this, I go ahead & start making Blair a bottle knowing this shit wasn't going on.

*hack hack*

I agree that we don't want to take any chances with his airway considering how tiny it is in a baybee Blair's age. He goes to call the eye doctor.


Blair is all like "LOL, you think I'm going to let you do this to me?" *hack hack*

I send Adam a text, to which he responds with "..." but once I explain the situation, he agrees that it makes sense.

But now we've got to wait on our discharge papers.

Blair is all like, "What you doin' sitting?!"


"Come up lady, smile, you just cancelled work & all that jazz for a practice run at surgery! And it's 8am & you're going to get to carry me out in the pouring rain again already, woohoo!"


"Come on bitch, let's hit the bricks."


Oh crap, I'm a baybee, how do I get out of here?"


"Ummm...this doesn't lead anywhere?! What's up with this crazy place?! Baybee's can't just get out easy?!"


"Oh well I'll just flop down & make baby noisies. *hack hack* By the way, you know if grandma ever finds out you let me lay in this hospital floor, she's totally going to go off on you. LOL at you mom."


Blair has a real potty mouth sometimes.

I loaded up. Made my way out of the overly warm hospital. Made my way through the icky rain to the car. Make my calls to let people know that Blair doesn't have surgery afterall. He would cough sometimes during this time to let people know he was hacking & totally wasn't faking.

I called his doctor, since the hospital told me to. Like I knew they'd tell me, unless it's with other symptoms they don't think there is anything to do since it just started within the past few hours.

So once again I'm reminded to always listen to my gut because I knew better than to take him with that cough. Hell, I knew better than to do something like that at the last minute. Life lessons, I keep going through them.

He's fine. The couch just started up again today, I'm guessing it's from allergies. Adam has the same issues, which started after a rain storm started oddly enough.

Now I'm hoping his eye gets all better on it's own. Because I can't deal with another event like this. I think my baybee has had enough hospitals & doctors for a long time...I'd like to stop it now. It's not fun for any of us.

If you need an eye milked though, you know who to call.


  1. Mwahahaha! Eye milking!

  2. Eye milking, that's grouse...

  3. It's grouse? Like a group of birds?



Related Posts with Thumbnails