Thursday, February 17, 2011

Stop raising assholes.

The past couple weeks I've had some interesting encounters. And by interesting, I mean shameful. I don't consider myself a preachy blogger but I'm going to get on my soap box.

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But good news, it's a glorious sarcastic soap box like me!

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I'm really not a violent person, but nothing makes me want to rip some hair out of a bitches head quite like someone messing with my kids. Seriously. I can envision myself pulling hair out of heads & just punching someone in the face over & over until they are a bloody pulp for hurting my kids feelings.

...apperantly it's a bloody, sarcastic soap box.

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Anyway. Maybe it's because I've got issues from when I was a kid. Sit down peeps, this is going to be a shocker but...I was not a popular kid. So maybe some of my inner aggressions come from knowing the feeling of being rejected or picked on. God damn, do I know how that feels. I know, kids will be kids. It happens. But I'm talking about not just basic kids being kids stuff. I'm talking at one point in my life, I kinda wanted to die. This is getting deep, huh?

So yeah, I've got issues. And more than anything in the world, I want my kids to be spared those awful feelings & encounters in their lives. I do my job as a parent to not let my kid think it's alright to be an asshole. I do not want my kid to think it's OK to be happy at the expense of someones misery or that it's alright to be mean to someone whose different.

Like I said, not be an asshole. But people...they don't all have the same idea as I do. And while I am fine with people feeling different, flat out meanness & encouraging your kid to grow up an asshole isn't cool.

My first encounter of shame was a couple weeks ago at the nice mall play area. And by nice, I mean germ infested hell hole.

Oh, you know they are. Get over it.

Anyway, my son...my adorable sweet son...

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He found a friend to play with. A little girl who had another little girl who was younger, I can only assume sister. They played. They romped. A good time was had by all. Eventually, I hear my son called a girl, which I'm use to because my sweet, adorable son has long hair.

Let's back this up a bit. I know, someone is reading this & cringing over my son having long hair. It's alright. Really, it is. But no one is making your son have long hair so get the fuck over it. I always hated long hair on boys. Always. I cringed when I saw it & never understood why a parent would allow that. I allowed it because I liked his hair & didn't want it cut. And, not that I want it cut myself, Jules loves his hair & doesn't want a hair cut anytime soon. He's very content with being a long haired boy. And you know what? It's not going to hurt him or anyone else, so who cares?

Anyway, as I sit in the floor with Blair, I hear the little girl Jules was friends with correct her mom, saying Jules was a boy & his name was Jules. Paying continued, but I could eye ball mom & her friend talking & staring at him, then back at me. After a couple minutes, I see the moms packing up & telling the kids it was time to go. Little girl starts asking to stay longer, something about how they were going to stay until someone got off work, whatever. Then I heard her loudly announce a statement that about had me fly off & end up in jail.

"We aren't staying so you can play with him. You know we don't play with boys who have long hair. Their parents obviously don't care for them, so we don't need to be around those people."

Oh hell no bitch, you didn't.

She did.

Jules is there. Like...right there. I know he has no true understanding of what was just said, but he knows something is up, he knows this lady doesn't want her kids to play with him. Woman looks at me, all smug & proud of herself because she said it for me to hear more than anyone else & I somehow manage to refrain from punching her. Instead, I walk over & redirect Jules to another kid & as he walks away, I tell him it's OK, there are other people to play with who aren't leaving.

Then I turned to her & just as smugly said, "we don't like to play with kids whose moms are twats anyway."

...yeah, I know. No kids could hear, I promise. But that smug look was replaced by shock & either she didn't want to or couldn't respond quickly enough before I turned & went back to where Blair was in the floor.

Seriously. SERIOUSLY?! Who in their right mind thinks it's OK to say something like that about a kid? And who thinks it's OK to teach their kids that things like that are alright? What purpose does that serve in life at all? I mean I get it, I'm a bitch, too. But to say something about a 3 year old? And to stop your kid from playing with mine because he's got girly fucking hair? How does my kids hair length determine anything about him or our family? We're decent, clean people who raise our kids to say please & thank you & to be good to other people. But, you know, that's all erased because of some hippy hair. We must be avoided at all cost.

And in that moment, I realized why my mom made that awful scene that morning when I was in 7th grade. She flipped off our bus driver. With a bus full of kids. As I was getting on the bus.

I know, very different & I don't agree with her doing that with a bus load of kids watching, but this guy was an ass. Picked on me constantly, left me in tears most days. Total ass. I remember how horrified I was because my mom made a scene, I cried most of the day because how embarrassed I was. But now...well. I kinda admire her restraint to not punch him in his balls. Again, doing stuff in front of kids is totally not cool & I'd never do it & I don't think that was right. But looking back at the hell that man put me through & just how awful that situation was...I get what she was feeling. I've now seen that asshole-ish smug look given to me that she said was given to her that morning. And...I understand.

On a side note, the school & transportation people sided with us & I was given a whole new bus to ride because of him while he ended up suspended for things he said to me even before the whole flipping off incident. He actually left me alone after that day, funny enough.

The day went on well for Jules. He got a pretzel, icee, & a gumball. Then we met daddy for dinner at Applebees. But I myself still couldn't get over how cruel someone was to leave & not let their kids play with mine for such a pathetic reason. Part of me hopes it was a totally fake reason just announced so she could feel like the head bitch at the play area. If so, I think I won that show down.

Jules & I had another incident today at the park. Again, a fun time was being had by all. I noticed a couple women watching & playing with the same little girl, then ended up noticing they were holding hands. Life goes on. As we end up at that area of the play ground, we walk into a conversation about someones daddy getting off work & meeting them at the park soon, which led into "where is your daddy." One little girl, who later told me she was 4, announced she didn't have a daddy but she had two mommies instead. The kids, they didn't really think much of it from what I could tell. Jules asked me what that meant & why she had two mommies, so I just briefly told him that some kids have mommies & daddies, bother others have two mommies or two daddies, but they are a family just like ours & have kids, pets, the whole deal. I told him it was just different. He was totally cool with that.

A couple other sets of parents eye balled each other. One couple quickly loaded their daughters up & went to another set of play ground equipment. The dad actually kept looking back as they walked away, like the big scary lesbians were going to kick his ass or something. And soon after, another mom ushered her two little girls away, even leaving their sand toys. Seriously. Told them, "we'll just come back for them later." They wanted away. The little girl actually tried to follow them to the swings, but when the mom realized that was happening she then changed her mind & said maybe they needed to go rest in the car. Again...seriously.

My son then had what I personally thought was the saddest discussion ever & he didn't even realize it. Little girl asked when Blair was going to grow up, I asked how old she was, she told me 4, then I told her he has about 3 more years of growing then. Jules came & asked where all his friends went. I told him I didn't know, that people have to leave & things sometimes. The little girl then said, "they don't like my mommies, people don't play some times when I have both of mommies with me." Jules then went on to ask her, again, if she had 2 mommies. She, again, told him yes & told him again that people don't like her two mommies so they didn't play with her...this is a normal thing in toddlers, having the same discussion 5 times in a row. Finally, my son who is NOT an asshole, told her "mommies are cool, let's dig in the sand, make a castle! My mommy has cups!" which I did. Then he told me he wanted the cups back, because he was going to play with her, she was "cool" & that "she's got mommies & that's OK." Again, that whole toddler repeat thing.

I didn't know if I should cry because this little girl is only 4 & already knows people have issues with her two mommies, or if I should cry because my son went out of his 3 year old way to tell her it was cool & that he wanted to play with her anyway.

Of course then I was angry, because 5 minutes before we had 6 kids who were happily playing. And 6 kids could have continued to be happily playing. But adults had to jump in to avoid catching the gay I suppose. Those kids, just like Jules, didn't think much of it when she said she had two mommies. Those kids would have went on with life like Jules. Worse came to worse, someone may have said something like I said to Jules. But, of course, there are always people who don't want to have to "explain" those things. What the fuck are you having to explain? It's only as complicated as you make it, as big of a deal as you make it. I don't know why I was surprised, when I was pregnant with Blair the husband had a co-worker who admitted that she didn't let her 5th grader play with a girl anymore because she had 2 mom's & she didn't want to have to explain that to her daughter.

Let me tell you this...if the most awkward, involved, strange conversation you have with your child is that some families are different than your own, you've lucked the fuck out.

Unless, you know, you want to teach your kids how icky it is that a chick loves another chick or a dude loves another dude & how weird it is that they may have a better, more healthy & stable relationship & family structure than you do. In that case, please say nothing so maybe they can one day hear about it from someone who isn't a biased asshole so that they may turn out to not hate people because of who they love. OK? Thanks. It'll do us all a favor.

And please, more than anything...stop raising assholes. They aren't born, they are made. Every one of them, at some point in their life, were made that way. Do what you can to prevent your kid from growing up to be one. Don't be the parent of the kid who refuses to play with someone for some lame reason. They'll grow up to be the parents like I've encountered, who are training their kids to do the same things in their own lives. This sounds lame & all but, children are our future. Let's not make our future suck ass. That last line was all me.

16 comments:

  1. OMG I love you for this post. First of all, fuck the people who have stuff to say about Jules's awesome hair and HOMFG I was practically giddy that you had the bawlz to say what you did!

    I thought the same thing, that the people thought they might catch the gay? I was also picked on a lot so I've raised my daughter (6) that bullying/making people feel bad is never OK.

    There is a girl in her class who is a bully. I won't go into the long story but she's rude a hateful little brat. Invited her to DD's bday party because my DD is sweet and wanted to invite everyone (she turns the other check I guess) and the girls mom was someone I went to HS with. It all makes sooo much sense!! The rotten apple doesn't fall far from the tree if ya know what I mean.

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  2. Cheek, not check. *sigh*

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  3. Holy shit! This post made me laugh like a giddy little school girl:) I love your son's hair! And he seems like such a sweet little boy. If I could I would give you 2 high 5's for the twat comment! People sicken me with what they teach their children, but the scariest part of it all is that WE are the out numbered ones... we are doomed to be taken over by the assholes who are being raised by the hypocrites of todays society. Sad. But true.

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  4. Wow. Love this post. this is the second post I've read today that involved boys with long hair. People won't shut up about my 10 mo old's hair. GEEZ!

    You last paragraph hit the nail on the head. I hate hate hate hate it when I see adults RUIN the innocence of children by being judgmental assholes.

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  5. Okay so I usually don't comment, I read alot though and love what you have to say. I agree with you 100% on this post, I love it.
    I have to give you kudos for how you handled the mall thing, I don't think I could have kept my cool and most likely would have called her something different, something that started with a C... I think Jules' hair is gorgeous. Both my sons have had mohawks at various times and I've heard it all about that as well.

    And what your son did and said at the park touched my heart, he is truly a sweet child. Thank you for not raising him to be an asshole. It is sad that the other children couldn't play because of their parent's prejudices.

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  6. Wow people really are stupid! I'm glad you stood up to that twat mom. At times, it feels like society as a whole has come so far with acceptance and diversity and then you witness something like this. And you have to wonder if any progress has been made at all. Assholes!

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  7. You know, I read your blog because you have always been so amazing at articulating my pain at losing a child... but this hits home in a whole other way. I have an older son that just turned 6, who has both long hair & very 'girly' traits - and seriously, I can't believe some of the shit people say... other kids are never the issue; it's the parents who are cruel & judgmental in ways I just can't imagine... but I am so grateful for his gentle spirit. I'll take his soft sensitive heart over their nasty ones any day!

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  8. I really just cannot comprehend how people can be so close-minded and mean. Long hair is a sign a parent doesn't care?? I mean, it's harder to take care of, so if anything, it means you're spending MORE time than they are on grooming etc for your kid. Plus, it's a nice bonding time when you're brushing their hair etc.

    And as far as gay couples? Who the hell cares if somebody has a Mommy and Daddy, two Mommies, two Daddies, or 17 parents? I am so very thankful that my kids are growing up around mostly people who accept everybody for who they are and refuse to speak negatively about others for the most part. Okay, I fail once in a while, but I try really hard to be nice!

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  9. You crack me up! I don't know that I could've kept my cool at the mall. I mean how lame do you have to be to a) pick on a 3 year old and b) care about long hair on boys. I mean really, what is this the 50's?? I thought we were over the whole long hair = girly man thing. Regardless, I totally agree about making assholes. I get so pissed when I see parents teaching their kids horrible, rude, cruel traits. I mean, why? It doesn't make you superior, it makes you look like a giant asshole when you kid acts like an asshole! I hate inconsiderate people and it has been a crazed mission of mine to teach my daughter to be as considerate as possible. And really, having an untraditional family doesn't define who you are. I didn't have gay parents, but I had a mom who had 5 different children from 4 different men (you gasped, its ok, everyone does) and let me tell you, people STILL judge me even though I have a very traditional and successful "normal" family now, in fact we're a little old fashioned my dh and I. Regardless, the stigma is still there, but my mom "whoring" herself around didn't make me a whore and didn't screw me up! I turned out a pretty decent human being. PS., My mom wasn't a whore, she was sad and lonely.

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  10. I have a story for you. Last night, I clicked on a picture of Jules to show Andy on Facebook.
    He says, "Who's that girl?"
    I said, "That's not a girl, that's Jules, a boy." In my head, I'm going oh, shit, my kid's an asshole!
    Then I just explained that some boys can have long hair and some have short hair. His response?
    "I have long hair too (He doesn't.) and I'm a boy and I like him."
    I was soooooo proud.

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  11. The Monkey Boy's MomFebruary 21, 2011 at 5:19 PM

    I heart your Sarcastic Soap Box. I heart your feelings about germ infested mall playgrounds. And I double heart Jules for thinking two Moms are ok. I happen to have two Moms, and let me tell you - it's not the easiest thing to deal with (as the child) so having people like you for you (not your parents sex lives) is a biggie. That girl needs more kids like Jules. We all do.

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  12. Amen, Sister!! I can't believe there are people out there who still act like this. So sad. Thank you for not raising assholes!

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  13. Good for you!!! She was being a twat. Glad you told her so. LOL
    Good for Jules too! Mommies are cool.

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  14. Not sure if I've ever commented before but have been enjoying your snarky hilarity for a while. 100% with you on the assholes - why do people think raising a child is all about how to pass on my prejudices and not have to 'explain' the fact that people are different from one another in all kinds of amazing ways? Grr. Sad though that a 4 year old has to deal with other kids parents being such assholes.

    Jules, though, I love that he's not phased by it all - he's just a friendly kid who wants to make castles with other kids.

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  15. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post...I wish I could copy/paste it and send it to everyone I know. My daughter has two daddies ( I am her mommy) and I hope by the time she is playing at playgrounds (she is only 3 months old) that there are less assholes in the world. But I doubt it:(

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  16. You're 10000% correct that assholes are not born, they're made. I feel sorry for those kids who, more than likely thanks to their ignorant and close minded parents, will be the assholes of the future. My 3 year old daughter has a few future assholes in her class. I know this because I have met their parents.

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