Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Be a nice person.

Looking for a good cause to donate a couple bucks to? Look no further.

This is Jess approved, so you know it's worthwhile. I don't post things that suck.

I have mentioned the family before, but here you go again.

A friend of mine on the west coast has a son is named Timmy Hatch. Her family is all good people, so he's good people, too. He has a wife & an adorable little boy who is close in age to my Jules. But, because bad things really do happen to good people, back in late May of 2009 (right before we lost Joel), Timmy suffered from an injury that left him in a coma. With his familys support, faith, & love he has recovered much more than doctors said he would in the early stages. Of course, he still can't do many basic things like speaking or walking.

His family is raising money this week so that he can hopefully go through some new treatments to help bring him back. The doctor & treatments they are raising funds for has, I believe, an 85% success rate, which is amazing compares to other rates. So please, even if it's only $1-5, donate! I cannot imagine having my spouse in this situation, I can't imagine Jules not having his daddy around as much as he does. I don't know his wife, Crystal, but she's amazing to me.

If you'd like to read more about Timmy, you can click here for his blog.

And you can donate by clicking here.

You can also spread the word anyway you can, I'm sure his family would appreciate anything you could do for Timmy.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

The offering of the piggy bank.

We've all seen it...that sad tv show/movie/commercial where the little kid offers their money to their parents to help pay for something. Thinking about it makes me want to cry...kinda like the song Christmas Shoes. I mean, I don't even believe in baby jesus but that song gets me every fucking time. It's ridiculous. Adam hates it, because I can't turn it off & I cry. Every time.

But that isn't the point. Work with me here.

We're not poor. We're far from rich, but we're good. There are times there are less worries in my little banking world & I'm more flexible about spending. We're coming up on one of those times, so for the last week I'm on edge, as usual. Don't. Spend. Money. Why the fuck do you need coffee? Make it at home, dammit! Why do we need to eat out? I can grill, dammit! The bills are paid, the roof is over our heads, & we still have "play" money, but I just turn into a cheap bitch anyway & hoard anything I can.

Today Jules went to play with his play doh & found it gone since he'd used it all over the past few months & it'd eventually got dried out one can at a time. We'd actually been happy it was gone because we're adults & now know why our parents hated the stuff so much. Jules, in his innocence, said, "let's go buy some!"

My kid? He understanding buying & how it works. He knows he can't leave the store or open something until we pay for it. He puts it on the belt at Target himself. He says thank you when it's scanned. He gets it. It's cute. When we need something, he tells us we should go buy some.

Today was no different. Adam, being an ass (not really, but that's my pet name for him usually), kinda laughed & said, "We need money to buy things...mommy & daddy & irrealonsible & spent all of it, so we don't have anymore."

I would have thought nothing of it...if my kid didn't get it.

He jumps down & blurted out, "I got money!" then went looking for his piggy bank. I was crushed. Seriously, crushed. I want to cry now thinking about it. Adam & I looked at each other, both impressed, shocked, & sad. He found his piggy bank, the one his picked out himself at Target, opened it up & got change out of it. Then he announced he wanted to go buy some because he had money.

We tried telling him he didn't need to use his money, that mommy & daddy have money for it, but it didn't sink in to him.

Yes, in the sad moment we totally went to Target & got Play Doh. Other things, too, but it was a trip that wasn't going to happen until tomorrow if not for the play doh incident.

Before we left, he dropped his change. He about how a fit because he needed his money for play doh. He napped in the car on the way & as we were walking in his remembered his money & wanted to go back to the car so he could buy his play doh.

I know that while he gets money=buying things, it's likely he doesn't understand the impact of hearing that mommy & daddy don't have the money for something like the silly husband implied to the boy. But it still makes me sad.

Growing up, we weren't rich. One birthday & Christmas my dad didn't have a job. My parents never let me know they were hurting for money. There was never a time I didn't feel like I couldn't have something I wanted or even needed. I was lucky that way. I'm an emotional sap, so it's unlikely I could have emotionally handled it anyway. Shit, I can't even emotionally handle my kid thinking we didn't have play doh money. Heaven forbid he grows up & learns about utility bills, mortgages, etc., & wonders if mommy & daddy have money for that. I'm suddenly paranoid that we've set the kid up for grown up worries way too young. All he wanted was some play dog & now we've given him a complex? That's never good.

Of course, I have my own complex about all of these things. I pay my bills but still wonder what if I couldn't? How would we eat? How would we have power? How about water? How the hell do you take care of kids without these basic things? What am I going to do?!

Yes, I worry about these things even though I have no reason to. The bills are current, the house is at a nice 70 degress thanks to the power company, & we even have cable. And buy the overpriced organic milk. We're fancy. And as if me being worried about non-existent money problems, I'm suddenly worried about my son worrying about money.

He's 2.

I think & worry too much.

And for the rest of my life, I will remember my little boy, running to his piggy, more than willing to front mom & dad to money to get him something he wanted. And as sad as I am about it & worried what it could mean for his psychological development though his childhood, I think it's just more proof about how he is the sweetest, smartest kid around.

And, he is mine. Though I still don't know how he ended up so totally awesome.


And weird.

I lie, I know why he's weird.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

People who find my blog scare me a little.

I've done it before, I'll do it again. And again & again...as long as I have people visiting the blog here. The following are some of the search terms that led people to my words. Enjoy. Or be scared.

how to steal neighbors pregnant pig
What, do you want to raise your own bacon?

why are there dead pets in my couch
*blink blink*

...please don't get anymore pets. And get a new couch.

best spam comments

yaycowsyay blog
That's me! Well, my blog.

how hard is it to carry a sopha upstairs
Damn hard since there is no such thing as a sopha. Good luck with that.

photos steal your soul
I think that's only if you're amish.

can a judge order me to give my husband copies of our babies ultrasound
He's your husband, why can't you share? If you're getting a divorce, don't you think he deserves to see a picture of what he'll be paying for over the next 18 years?

best wedding i went
You were at Shannon's wedding, too?!

things that can steel your sole
If your soul is steel, you have bigger problems.

ask how long to wait before redoing jelly
What did you do with the jelly the first time...or do we even want to know?

best revenge against woman who steals your husband
She's got your husband...why make her suffer anymore than she is? Pack his shit in a shoe box & throw it out onto the curb. Then set it on fire.

This allows me to rant though...why does everyone want to bitch & moan about the woman their husbands cheated with? Why can people sue for "alienation of affection?" Here is a newsflash...she didn't do anything to make your husband be a douche. He always was one. Yes, she sucks, but why get revenge on her? Why sue her for being a home wrecker? The home wrecker is your loser ass husband who can't keep it in his pants & who wrecked his own home. Pity her for being side pussy & now having the honor of calling him hers until he finds someone else to cheat with. And like I said, set his shit on fire.

why are there dead pets in my couch
Someone searched for this TWICE. I'm guessing someone got the couch off craigslist from the first searcher.


moms teaching young sons to fuck

That was worth yelling over. Go away, weirdo.

That's me again!

essay on lost baby kangaroo
These are the essay topics for the children today?

Poruchio means
I'm opening this one out for the peeps who read this...comments?

when things fail to work
Everyday of my life.

yay cows yay jessica culver blog
ME AGAIN! I guess this is why you aren't suppose to give your name out online.

is my insurance company allowed to contact me on facebook?
Only if they need help with their crops on Farmville.

neighbor camo tarp fence
I hope this is someone who has heard the story somehow & not someone else with a jackass of a neighbor.

ex girlfriend puts bottle in virgina facebook

Bet you're sad she's your ex now, huh?

Also, I updated the answers in this post. And don't forget the cute of kids over at Epic Awesome. New post over there tomorrow. I've already dropped the f bomb though. Oops.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The asterisk.

asterisk ( ) n. A star-shaped figure (*) used chiefly to indicate an omission, a reference to a footnote, or an unattested word, sound, or affix

I've never really used an asterisk much in my life. Well, I do here to add a witty confession about how when I say "we" are doing something I actually mean Adam. But that's about it. But now, I'm living with an asterisk everyday.

When I'm out alone with Blair, I've been asked, "Oh, he is your only son?"

I blink. I ponder. I think. I try to gauge this person I'm talking to. I try to gauge how I'm feeling that day. I open my mouth, I prepare to speak. All of this is done within about 3 seconds so I'm not just standing there like a fucking idiot who can't answer a simple question about her children.

"There is another at home."

That isn't a lie or anything, it's just answering the question they asked. Now, if my husband did that I'd get all Dr. Phil on his ass, telling him, "lying by omission is still lying, asshole!" But I try not to call myself an asshole. And I'm not a huge fan of doing as I say.

It's weird. It can be awkward. Only for me, but awkward nonetheless. I don't like to feel like I'm dwelling. I don't like to feel like my kids will one day be thinking, "jeesh mom, again?" when the checkout lady ask how many kids I have. I don't want to constantly feel sad when it comes to the memory of Joel. It's sad as it is, I don't need to share that sadness with the lady at Sam's Club.

I'm alright. I'm not sure if I'm alright alright, or just alright as I can be. But I'm alright. Hell, some days I might even say I'm good.

Shocking, I know. Sometimes I actually wonder if I'm in some insane deep depression & just don't know it. I'm pretty sure I'm not though, I just like to tell myself that so I don't feel bad for not feeling bad all the time.

Coming soon...a blog with me stuffing my $1000 wedding dress into a small box. Look forward to that.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

A new way to stalk.

While is this still the happening, cool place to be, I decided to open another blog that you may be interesting in stalking.

Epic Awesome.

I could post everyday about something kooky Jules has said or done, but I feel lame turning this into one of those strictly mom blogs. Then I'll end up feeling weird for saying "fuck" so much or anything else. So over at Epic Awesome I'll be posting amusing pictures & comments the kids make. Well, some amusing. Some just down right weird or creepy.

Yes, kids can be creepy. They're cute like that.

Of course I'll still post my adventures & awkwardness in being a parent here. If I can't share my fails in that regard, what will I take about sometimes? I can't constantly battle my neighbor...or can I?

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Some answers.

While still accepting questions, I decided with my free time to post some answers. I know people are waiting on this, so who am I to deny them?

Ok, you know that awesome area rug we both have? When you vacuum it up and down, does your vacuum cleaner get hard to push? If I go side to side, the long way, it is fine.. if I try to go up and down, the short way, it is like my vacuum gets stuck.

That is about as random as I get... (But I really do want an answer!)

See, people really do stalk me. This person peeks in my windows! As far as the rug, I did have that same problem. Now that I have my overpriced boyfriend known as the Dyson, not so much. But like I told you about that rug, my parents picked it. So I'm guessing it's just the evil holding the vacuum back, so when they come to my house they can think about how dirty it is because my damn rug fights being vacuumed.

Just my theory though.

Where do all of your cats sleep at night..?

Sadly we don't have an extra room in our house to make into a kitty condo, so they basically are squatters anywhere they see fit. One or sometimes 2 share our bed. One sleeps with Jules, which is weird because it's the one he abuses. A couple enjoy staying outside as much as possible so they stay out some nights. Everyone else just grabs a pile of folded towels in the laundry basket or a pillow on the couch to bed down with. The question really should have been where us humans sleep since we're out numbered.

Do you sleep on the right or left side of the bed, or do you claim the bed and make the husband sleep on the floor?

When you're looking at the bed from the foot, my side is the right side. I've always claimed that side, even when we were dating (read: have lots of sex). He didn't get a vote & continues to whine to this day. He will never get me to change sides until maybe we get a new mattress. I imagine his side smells like icky boy. He does sleep in the floor sometimes...but that's his other boss's doing, Jules. I'd feel bad about that, but I'm usually knocked the fuck out in the middle of our bed at the point.

What color is your mailbox?

It's green. I wanted it to match our house. Funny thing is? I hate green. Like...hate it. But I ended up with a green house, & therefore all these green accents. Our mail box is only for decoration though, we get our mail at the post office now. We got tired of our cunt of a mail lady not wanting to deliver our mail because of our attack dog, Buddy. Sure, our mailbox is on the outside of our 6 foot fence & is like 3 feet away from said fence, yet she was scared of our dog. And the USPS told me they couldn't make her do her job. That was a quote. So now we go to the post office & she is constantly trying to tie our mail box shut. Just to drive her nuts, we untie it every time she does it. We're mature.

What type of socks do you wear?

I only wear socks in the winter. But this is actually a very good question to make me admit my shame...I wear my husbands socks. We have to share socks. Why? Because my feet are so huge I can't find womens socks big enough to fit my feet. I'm a size 9 1/2 or so. Those socks that say up to size 10? Lies. They seriously expect the same socks to fit a woman with size 5 feet & size 10 feet? Suuuure. I use to be able to find "extra large sizes" socks for women a few years ago. Not now. So now I'm stuck buying mens socks. But I try to look on the bright side, no special sorting of socks & that way I can throw away the socks with holes in them since the husband never does.

Have you ever figured out a rubix cube.

Um, no. I've never even tried. I know my limits. And I know my insanity. I'd end up screaming & crying before throwing it against the wall & announcing that my life sucks. I don't deal well with stress. Even stress from a cube.

Has your mom seen the new baby? Is your mom still as crazy as a bat in the belfry?

She has. They didn't see him until he was about a month old. In turn, none of my family wanted to visit & see him. Why? Because they don't want to deal with my mothers wrath of "I can't believe you saw him before I did" even when she was choosing not to see him. See why my mom acts like this? Because she can. Anyway, very little interest was showed in Blair. I've interacted a couple times with them since then, but again very little attention has been paid to the little one. That's fine really, if I want to crazy my kids up I can do it without her help. And in case it's not obvious, yes, they are still crazy as a bat in the belfry. I've actually never heard that term, but I'm sure it fits. Of course it's amusing to me that they hide this from the extended family & act like things are peachy now. I've heard all about how Blair is, how they tell my grandparents how he's not fussy & sleeps all the time & blah blah blah...none of it is true. Not even close. Good try though. I'm sure I'll get to burst that bubble eventually, if I already haven't. As much as I hate drama (well, drama involving me), I hate keeping up appearances even more.

Oh, & to show priorities, here is a cute story. My dad & I had a couple joint credit card accounts. Had them for years, since I was in college. A few days after Blair was born, tried to use one to pay at the pump for gas & it was inactive. Tried the other for shits & giggles, got the same. Pulled my credit report & both were closed by the primary on the account which was my dad of course. The date they were closed? June 10th. So while I'm being cut open at the hospital, my dad was at home canceling shared credit accounts. I don't care, but I am annoyed that a closed account leaves a somewhat icky spot on my credit. But I think WHEN it was done sure says alot about your concerns while your grandchild is being born & your daughter is in surgery. I guess that's why no one could answer any calls from us that morning, he was on the other line breaking up with me credit wise. Lame. And to not even have the balls to let us know at any point? Super lame.

Haha, what do you do when a three year old thinks it's hilarious to go around telling everybody that he goes pee in the shower?

Be a tad embarrassed, but then realize it could be way worse. You could have a 2 year old who goes around pointing to his crotch & telling people, "it's a big one!" Being bad parents, we laughed hysterically the first time he did this after getting out of the pool & was naked. Now he just goes around randomly telling us "I got a big one!" & pointing. Then take joy in knowing you can tell his future wife that story one day.

Does your egg donor (mother) read your blog?

"What blog?" That's what the response was once when I mentioned it a couple months ago. She knows it exist, she knows they did a news story on Joel & stillbirth & mentioned my blog...but she's never bothered to come here & read it. Maybe they know better, maybe they just aren't interested, maybe they just assume it sucks & isn't worth their time. They miss out on my wit & talent in the real life world, so I'm not surprised they wouldn't bother it on the interwebz world, too. They think anything online is a complete joke, so I'm sure they put my blog & related things in the category of complete joke.

Do you guys plan on have any more super cute babies?

Adam is officially done. I'm unofficially done. As much as it sounds nice to have another baby, because I'm nuts like that, there are just too many things that stand in the way of that. For example, our fears & paranoia or feeling as though we're tempting fate. Plus, for another baby we need another house. And for another house, I need to be working for a couple years again. So even if we do, we're looking at like 3 years before I go back to work then a couple years of work, so at least 5 years from now. Then there is the fact that I hate doctors & never want to stay in a hospital again. And I don't want to drive a van. Those last two are kinda petty reasons, but they are reasons. Give me 5 years & I'll reevaluate, never say never I guess. But it's unlikey. In 5 years chances are I'll like working, having kids of that age, & sleeping more. So maybe it'll be more like 10 years from now when this Paragaurd expires.

Or maybe we'll have a birth control failure.

...just thinking about that makes me need to drink. Heavily. My midwife knows we're so paranoid she checked my uterus 3 times before inserting it & is checking it in a month instead of just 4 months from now to make sure it's good & effective.

Oh, & hi Annette the new person at my blog!

So about that other kid thing--or even if you don't have other kids--if you need a bigger house, you can always have the one behind us. I do have the key, you know. I have offered our babysitting services before, as long as you're ok with Lee trying to give them beer.

Where do you think I'm planning on moving? I'm totally serious, we're moving up there with you guys in a few years. We can't now, but we WILL. And Lee is fine, as long as it's good beer. No Bud Light or anything like that. Eww.

I tried to figure out a rubix cube and got mad and threw it across the room, where it shattered into a bazillion pieces. Just thought you would want to know.

Did you then stomp on & piss on the pieces before lighting them on fire? What, that's just me?

What do you do for fun? Do you have friends?

(I confess... I am usually a quiet stalker of yours - but recently I shared your blog on my facebook profile, and now feel guilty because I didn't ask you first)

For fun, I do this. Yes, I'm that lame. Personal fun time is limited to going to pee by myself. That's rare & fun when it happens. Another person & I have discussed starting up a Birth Network locally, . I do indeed have friends. A few. I'm selective. People have to be, well, alot like me. Depending on what you think about me, the fact that those people are few & far between may be a good thing.

And feel free to add me anywhere! I don't care about being asked, as long as you say good things about me. If you're going to call me names, please leave a link so I can mock you at a later time. But as long as it's good stuff, it's cool with me. :)

Maybe it'll help me get 200 followers. Which means...ANOTHER CAKE!
Any new questions will be answered here as well.

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Question & Answer Segment.

I'm boring the past few days. I've racked my brain for something to share with you peeps, but I've come up with nothing. Perhaps I'm trying to hard.

So I'm going to put it on you now.

Let's consider this the question & answer period of the blog. You got questions? I'll give you answers. Sometimes snarky answers, but they are still answers.

Questions about my life? Sure!

Questions about dumb things my husband may do? Oh, you know it.

Parenting advice? Of course. I'm perfect, you know.

Questions about pets? I'll try to give you a cat.

Relationship advice? I'll google it or something.

Opinions on the Double Down from KFC? I'll go buy one & let you know. Nom nom nom.

Lottery numbers? If I get a cut.

I'm counting on you, folks. Give it to me.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Comment of the week.

This is the comment of the week, peeps. OK, I normally don't have a comment of the week but this was just too good to pass up. Enjoy.

umassslytherin has left a new comment on your post "Ah, life.":

of course he wants to wear pink diapers. you named him blair for christ sake. not only is it a girl's name, but you didn't even spell it right.

god help us all if people like you are creating offspring. it's downright scary.

Short response is easy.


But we all know I'm wordy, so they won't do. This is sad for many reasons. First of all, this person doesn't even know where the shift key on their keyboard is. They also can't read, because I said Jules liked the Dora diapers, not Blair. I mean holy shit, Blair is 7 weeks old, of course he can't voice an opinion. Try to stay with us here, you fucking idiot. His diapers are white, btw. But they did read alot because I'm pretty sure the post they replied to didn't mention the Dora diapers. Plus, the phrase "god help us if people like you are creating offspring" is just fucking stupid. IF people like me are creating offspring. I AM creating offspring. Jeesh. I also don't believe in god, maybe that's what's wrong with me though. Hey, should you really ask god to help you in the same comment where you use "for christ sake?" I thought that was a no-no or something, but I could be wrong.

Oh yeah, & the origins of his name is as follows: The name Blair is a baby boy name. The name Blair comes from the Irish origin. In Irish The meaning of the name Blair is: From the fields. I found that on many sites. And adding an "e" to the end is actually considered a "creative" spelling from the original. Google, it is your friend. Along with the shift key. I decided to add this in even though it's lame to make fun of a kids name, it really lacks creativity.

I decided to do a search online to see if I could figure out who this weird blog troll could be. I found this: "UMassSlytherin is an avid fanfiction reader and an active particpant in the world of fandom." So I'm going to pretend some fanfiction reader is angry. That makes me laugh to think of someone leaving weird, angry comments in between fan ficton stories. Maybe it's Twilight fan fiction.

So...let's discuss, peeps. BTW, I totally feel flattered I've had my first blog troll. This is better than the fake vagina comment! This means I'm famous, right? OK, I know it doesn't. The person who posted that comment came form google looking up mom blogs with the word "fail," so I'm guessing besides the name thing it was a copy & paste troll comment. Oh well, I'll take what I can get.

I'm going to go take my IUD out & make some more offspring now. OK, not really, I'm off to watch Teen Mom.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Ah, life.

Over the past couple of days, I've come to a conclusion.

Blair isn't going to die.

This seems odd, but it marks the first time since May 26th 2009 that I wasn't concerned that a baby was going to die. Even once Blair was born, I decide he could die at any moment. That was a new fear for me, I'd never worried about the before. But now it's like the good ol' days where babies don't die. My baby did die...but not all die. And this one didn't.

If you think that's the most obvious thing in the world, you never went urn shopping for your infant. That's a good thing.

In other news, I like to pretend I'm a photographer.


I would really like this picture, if I hadn't amputated his right hand.

I think think he's cute.


And even though cutting off his right hand was bad, Adam did worse by cutting off the top of my head.


Of course I'm too busy staring at the mole on my nose to really care about much of anything else. I'm going to have that done soon after spending the weekend staring at it. I imagine it having a face & singing to me. I'm weird like that.

Jules is living, too.


Don't you love his swim diaper? He's a nudist like his mother. I have no shame, I don't care if the neighbors see my junk, Jules doesn't either. That's why he leaves his penis out in full view most of the time. While, uh, inspecting it tonight he proudly announced, "IT'S A BIG ONE!" I'm raising such a man.

Blair & I interwebz together.


I don't understand how babies sleep. Seriously, they look like they've been in a car accident.


He slept for like 3 hours like that! My neck & back ached looking at him.

Speaking of an ache, he had some heartache from the look of it.


Even upset, I find him adorable. I'm not sure what that says about me as a mother, but if it makes you feel better I got him out & nursed him after this spectacle.

If that makes you feel like I'm a better mom than I give myself credit for, we took him with us tequila & beer shopping. We had a cookout, it wasn't for his bottles or anything. He's got to be at least 4 to start drinking beer, 5 to do shots. We do set boundaries, you know.

My days are boring for the most part. Personally, I think boring is good. Compared to life when things are "exciting" I'll take boring anyday. Soon enough our lives won't just be filled with hanging out, doing things as we wish, while listening to carious Buzz Lightyears in the background (when you have about 15 of them, one seems to always be talking, even when Jules is asleep, it's creepy really). The husband will go back to teaching kiddies in a couple weeks. We'll both go back to the wonderful world of education for ourselves as well. I'm a fucking idiot & have decided yet ANOTHER career path for myself...so I'm going to work towards an education degree now. Elementary school. Yes, think about me influencing your young children. Now imagine an evil laugh coming from me. The kiddies, their lives won't really change much.

Jules will continue to collect his Buzz's, hopefully no regressing much more.


Blair will continue to plot world domination.


Happy World Breastfeeding Week.


If you aren't a fan of nursing pictures, as I said earlier, I have no shame so be happy I'm not posting one where he's just cuddling my boob. I have a great one like that from the hospital that I sent Adam in a text message. Before you have kids you send pictures of your boobs & it's sexy. When you have kids, it turns into a totally different, boring thing. For years the husband asked me to show him my boobs. Seriously. This is from like 2003, way before we were dating.


Ask & you shall receive...even if that means you have to ask almost everyday for 5 years.

Oh, for the record, he didn't see them until our 3rd date. I have standards.


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