Thursday, October 21, 2010

Some answers.

Hi, everyone!

Thanks for the questions/comments. I will be getting to work on the longer ones soon, but I figured I'd share some stuff now, just because.

From Missy..."I l like to make up words? Got any doozies?"

Hi, Missy! I don't have time to make up words, but I constantly try to make up new ways to through out the word "fuck. Does that count? I have taken calling multiple penises "peni," though how often do you talk about multiple peni? Not since like college at least, right? Right.

From Michelle..."I'd like to read about your life prior to being married & having children, such as where all you have worked. I'm a SAHM and think it's interesting to find out what other SAHMs used to do before they had children."

Hi, Michelle! Before I was married & had kids, I drank alot. There was more to me once before, & I'll be sharing that in a upcoming long blog. Yay! I love talking about me.

From Megan..."I want to know what is going on with your family now. Is everything back to being good or is it still weird and how did it all start and all of that. And what is the deal with your in laws? I'm nosy. And I hope you feel less worried soon."

Hi Megan! Now I'm worried I spelled your name wrong since I already closed the comment window. Yell at me if you have another a, e, or an i in there. Or like a q or something. Never know anymore how names are spelled.

But back to your parents, they are weird. They've gone back into "things are cool" mode. I've gone into survival. Keep peace, be civil, but limit interactions as much as possible & get the hell out of town in the next few years. That's the only way to make anything better. I avoid the drama, I refuse to be a part of it, I did nothing wrong. And even though I'm civil, I'll never forgive them for letting me lay in the hospital, post surgery, Blair in the nursery have breathing problems, me crying on the phone to my dad & him not coming to the hospital. They think they love me, maybe they "love" me, but at the end of the day it's never going to be a genuine relationship. Of course things are also weird with my extended family now, they've all decided that I'm the one who causes drama & apparently stalk me online to try to figure out what I mean by this or that, like on facebook, & then gossip about it. I don't feel like I really have anyone to depend on. That sucks, you know? But we'll be fine. We (the husband & I) get shit done & take care of ourselves & our kids. Be nice to have a safety net, have someone you know you can call & get help from or be there for you, but when Blair was born it proved they weren't. In a way I'm happy it happened, all drama aside, because at least now I know for sure. I can't say it's in my head that they treat me like this or act like this. Kinda makes me feel...right.

As far as the inlaws...oh my. The short version is that they never seemed to like me. Once we were engaged, it was over. I can go into story after story, but it's pointless, so trust me here. Things continued to be bad when we were married & after I had Jules. Very weird, very bad, very awkward. The husband always thought it could work out, but I knew better. After I got pregnant with Joel, they were awful. Didn't want to talk about the pregnancy, & when Adam finally blurted that out his dad told him he didn't consider our kids family anyway, which really pissed Adam off. He & his mom went back & forth in emails for a few weeks, but it just got worse. It turned into, basically, telling Adam I'm an awful shrew & he should get me in line. He communicated with his dad from time to time, his dad never asking anything about the pregnancy, even when I was due or what he was. It wasn't until the night we found out Joel died, I told him to call his parents. They jumped back into "everythings cool" mode. Things weren't cool. A final blow up was between Adam & his sister, finally with him hanging up on her after she complained that at Joel's funeral I wasn't social & welcoming enough to his family. They were told never to contact us again. They still attempt, like they had UPS deliver a package to Adam's WORK for Jules birthday. Sent that back. Oh, he also had an uncle who emailed us, making fun of Joel's funeral & blaming me for his death. His extended family hasn't made contact, minus one Aunt who implied he should just let it all go for the sake of family. She also had already forgot when Joel was born...just over a year after it happened, she couldn't even guess what May 28th was. Cold day in hell before I ever see them again, or let my kids around them. I don't even know if they know Blair exist. And that's fine.

If you'd like to read the loooong version, here are some links!
A blog about when I found out that while I was in labor with Joel, shit was being talked.
The night the final fight went down.
A post about the great email making fun of our dead baby.
A fun one! I burned a book. :D

And the husband wrote about it, too.
Here is a long winded version of issues with his family.
And here is a post you can actually read the lovely email from his uncle.

From Tara..."What is one of your favorite childhood memories? Tell us a list of your favorites, color, smell, activity, food.. Tell us a list of your dislikes."

Damn Tara, you're nosey! :b Oh, hi, btw. This is depressing, but I have no favorite childhood memories. Seriously. I've sat here for 10 minutes, trying to come up with something. But really, are you surprised? If I ever do think of one, I'll share it. I like the color pink. I like anything that smells clean. Living with kids & pets, it's not a smell I get to enjoy as much as I did before kids & pets. My favorite activity is sitting on my ass. I also enjoy laying down. I enjoy most things with my kids, minus shopping. I enjoy having sex with my husband. I also enjoy writing. It's something I can do while sitting. I also love shopping at Target. My favorite food is No Rules Pasta from Outback. I'm a big fan of chicken. And cheese. And bacon. Put those things today & I'm in heaven. I also like potatoes. I dislike more things than I could ever list, but I'll share a few...ranch dressing, mayo, people who are assholes to their pets or kids, cheating, lying, smoking, camo tarps, crack houses, & all of my ex's.

From Elizabeth..."I'd love to get some tips on becoming a Crazy Cat Lady, and since I believe you said that you have 318476513543 cats in your home I'm hoping you can help me out."

OH YES I CAN ELIZABETH! I can't believe I never thought about a cat blog. I HAVE SO MANY! I'll be blogging about them soon! WITH PICTURES!

From Nichole...I wanna know about your crazy ass neighbor! Just started reading ur blog and love it:)

Thanks & welcome! I feel famous, which is lame of me. Anyway, she's a fucking nut. There is the camo tarp post that you can check out, if you haven't. She's been pretty quiet lately. Minus a couple weeks ago she came home at like 2am & started yelling at my dog, Murphy. Which was odd...because Murphy was in the house asleep on the couch until she started yelling, "shut up Murphy!" Then she went outside & barked. She's got a new man from what we can tell, so hopefully getting laid is cheering her up a big. But there is ALWAYS spring time...

From Michy..."I, for one, would welcome stories about your cats, because I love kitties. (I'd better, we have 14!) Oh, and include pictures! Umm, do you like nail polish? What is your favorite dessert?"

Hi! It's not often I find someone as fucked up as I am. You have 14?! I mean, we have had that many at one point. I think the highest number we had was earlier this year at 16. As I said, I'll totally make a cat post soon. I do like nail polish, but I also like ripping my nails off. I've been chewing my nails off for so many years, it doesn't even hurt anymore. It's really embarrassing, but apparently not enough to make me stop. And my favorite dessert is any. I'm chubby, I don't turn down much. Besides exercise.

From Becky..."Yay, I get to contribute. I just realized I hadn't read your blog in a while, although your Facebook comments make my day. I second the post about the before you were a SAHM. I love when other bloggers post a whole section on their "how I got together with my man" story. It's cute to hear how people remember falling in love and starting their lives together. Plus, then you get to bash all the stupid things your mate used to do."

Yay, you enjoy my facebook? I really do try to update with things I think people would enjoy. Of course I also post things just because. I'm weird like that. Anyway, along with the "before I was a SAHM" post, I'll add the husband stuff in there. I'll tell you about how I stole him from some other girl & all about the hilarious email he sent me while he was dating both of us & wanted to CONTINUE to date both of us. Hilarity, it will ensue.

And finally...

Angie says this..."Hey, I'm suuuuper new, in fact this is only the second post I've read. Since it's been two months since our son died, my husband and I are hoping to completely sleep through the holidays this year. No tree, no lights, no presents, no nothin. Although we will be decorating Aiden's grave site with a tree. And my husband had the sweet idea to write out wishes/dreams/hopes and wrap each one for Aiden. I want to know how you and your husband survived your first holiday season after your baby died."

Hi, Angie. I'm sorry you're hear, I'm sorry about Aiden. I think your idea is beautiful. I would try to hold onto any sense of normal for the holidays that you can that you enjoy. Easier said than done, I know, because you rather just lay in bed & die. Even though you feel like your life has ended, it hasn't, & don't feel guilty for it. Something else, in my experience, that is easier said than done. You'll never be the same, but don't totally shut things out. It was different for us, since you didn't mention any other kids in your comment, because we had the other little boy. We did Christmas for him. We were also still riding out the shock from Joel's death & the shock of getting pregnant again after my husband had a vasectomy reversal (in case you didn't know, my husband was fixed about 4 weeks before Joel died, then got un-fixed a few months later so we could try for another). So we had stuff to distract us. But it still sucked. We got Joel an ornament. Nothing dead baby related, but just a boy's first Christmas ornament. I just wanted one that was, well, normal. I didn't want it to be something that reminded me he died, I wanted to focus on him existing & what life he did experience. We also did Angel Tree gifts. Salvation Army has trees with kids who are needy that you can buy for. We always do it, but I'd always tried to pick an older kid. That first Christmas, I picked kids who would have been the age of Joel at the time. Made me feel better to buy for some kid who would enjoy things Joel would have enjoyed. As for getting through the holiday itself, it sucked. I mean, sure, we were happy to have our living kids but it still sucked. And we still felt like crap & like something was missing. And we both wondered what we would have been doing if Joel hadn't died. The first year was the hardest, every holiday you were missing "baby's first." I wish I could tell you something magical to make you feel better or some way to make it suck less, but I don't think it exist. You'll get through it because you have to.

Thanks for the brainstorming, peeps. Now I have to go try to take pictures of 12 cats. This should be fun.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Jessica, I'm new to your blog, but thought I'd try to ask a question anyway. In what ways have you found yourself and how strong you really are since losing Joel? I ask because I feel exactly the same way after losing my babies, and want to know what parts of yourself you've discovered (or re-discovered?) because of Joel.



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