The husband is a teacher, he brings home kid germs. Icky, icky germs. Superbugs that cause him to have "allergies" & me to die for about 3 days. I seriously become immobile around the end of day 2 of my sickness. I don't just get colds, I get one foot in a grave. It's alot of fun, as I'm sure you can guess.
Last week Jules & both woke up with nose problems. Jules got sicker faster & ended up going to the doctor. After waiting & I'm sure running up a hell of a bill, I got the answer of, "ummmm...maybe it's a virus or something. Let's get him stickers!" Three stickers & I'm guessing $350 later, we were home.
That was on Tuesday. By Thursday, I was dying. Seriously. I laid on the couch & didn't move, even blink, for about 3 hours. Due to being comatose, Adam stayed home on Friday. But the night before, being desperate, we googled stuff to try to help find something to make my cold symptoms better. I didn't know how seriously he took these ideas until the next day, he took both kids & went out shopping. But only after leaving this as a facebook status update:
and now....ADVENTURES IN HOMEOPATHY!!
I'm packing up these kiddos for a trip to the Healthy Life Market; gonna pump up the wife with so many hippy remedies she's gonna come out of this illness smelling like patchouli and craving piccolo heavy jam bands.
I would have sighed, but I couldn't breath.
He came home with a bag of "goodies." I, of course, didn't miss this chance to give the peeps (that's you) an idea of what he wanted me to experience.
First & foremost, he took both boys out in Spiderman outfits. I didn't get Jules, but I did get Blair.
Adam was very proud of himself for matching a cloth diaper to the top.
Then we have the bag of goodies.
The Healthy Life Mart is about as hippy as we can get in West Virginia.
Out of all the things Adam found online, he was attached to one single item. I'll get to that in a minute.
First, I found this.
...what in the...? Yeah, I was wondering to. It was something t sweeten a special mixture for me to drink that would cute me of everything I'd ever have in my life. Yes, it'd cure me of cancer before I even got it.
Apple Cider Vinegar.
I should mention that I hate Easter. Why? Because I use fucking vinegar to color eggs. Holy shit, that stuff is gross. I can't even pour it without gagging & now he wants me to...drink it?
Even with a "sweetener" I'm pretty sure I looked at him the same way I looked at whoever told me what a blowjob was.
"I have to put WHAT in my mouth...and swallow?! Are you fucking kidding me?!"
But the big difference is that this stuff couldn't guilt me about it being it's birthday or try to talk me into how it's a good source of protein.
And finally, I should really trust this woman?
If this stuff taste as good as she dresses, we're in trouble.
In case I wasn't into that idea, he got this.
A pre-mixed version.
Nope, still not into it.
Personally, I would have much rather found booze in these bags.
Isn't there some saying about feeding a fever, getting a cold drunk? No? Well, there is now. I'm going to write that down & sign my name to it.
Apple cider vinegar is a huge let down when you're thinking booze.
Then, in case that wouldn't work, he got this.
Basically, he bought every fucking kind they had. This was his big cure?
I guess it worked, because I started feeling better when I realized he expected me to take this shit if I was still sick the rest of the day.
He also got this stuff.
Sideways, sue me. It's peppermint oil & grapefruit seed something another. He wanted me to rub the peppermint on my temples, then use some of the drops of the other stuff with a neti pot.
Have I mentioned that I'm a bit weirded out? I am. Apple cider vinegar didn't cure that.
Of course he didn't just buy nasty stuff, he bought candy.
And, for me, these things.
I grew up calling them "nutty buddies." It wasn't until I was damn near 30 I found out that's not what they were called. Insane.
I didn't take a picture, but we also had some Tudors.
It's a West Virginia thing. Bacon & egg biscuit & "chunkies." Potatoes with gravy. They look gross, but they are a wonderful thing. Of course, when vinegar is on the menu anything looks wonderful.
But I cheated death. Be impressed. And no, I never drank any of that stuff. But my Tudors made me feel alot better! As did laying around like a fat, lazy cat for a few days.
Hey, wonder if apple cider vinegar can cure snoring? If so, I'm in for a case for the husband.