Sunday, August 22, 2010

The offering of the piggy bank.

We've all seen it...that sad tv show/movie/commercial where the little kid offers their money to their parents to help pay for something. Thinking about it makes me want to cry...kinda like the song Christmas Shoes. I mean, I don't even believe in baby jesus but that song gets me every fucking time. It's ridiculous. Adam hates it, because I can't turn it off & I cry. Every time.

But that isn't the point. Work with me here.

We're not poor. We're far from rich, but we're good. There are times there are less worries in my little banking world & I'm more flexible about spending. We're coming up on one of those times, so for the last week I'm on edge, as usual. Don't. Spend. Money. Why the fuck do you need coffee? Make it at home, dammit! Why do we need to eat out? I can grill, dammit! The bills are paid, the roof is over our heads, & we still have "play" money, but I just turn into a cheap bitch anyway & hoard anything I can.

Today Jules went to play with his play doh & found it gone since he'd used it all over the past few months & it'd eventually got dried out one can at a time. We'd actually been happy it was gone because we're adults & now know why our parents hated the stuff so much. Jules, in his innocence, said, "let's go buy some!"

My kid? He understanding buying & how it works. He knows he can't leave the store or open something until we pay for it. He puts it on the belt at Target himself. He says thank you when it's scanned. He gets it. It's cute. When we need something, he tells us we should go buy some.

Today was no different. Adam, being an ass (not really, but that's my pet name for him usually), kinda laughed & said, "We need money to buy things...mommy & daddy & irrealonsible & spent all of it, so we don't have anymore."

I would have thought nothing of it...if my kid didn't get it.

He jumps down & blurted out, "I got money!" then went looking for his piggy bank. I was crushed. Seriously, crushed. I want to cry now thinking about it. Adam & I looked at each other, both impressed, shocked, & sad. He found his piggy bank, the one his picked out himself at Target, opened it up & got change out of it. Then he announced he wanted to go buy some because he had money.

We tried telling him he didn't need to use his money, that mommy & daddy have money for it, but it didn't sink in to him.

Yes, in the sad moment we totally went to Target & got Play Doh. Other things, too, but it was a trip that wasn't going to happen until tomorrow if not for the play doh incident.

Before we left, he dropped his change. He about how a fit because he needed his money for play doh. He napped in the car on the way & as we were walking in his remembered his money & wanted to go back to the car so he could buy his play doh.

I know that while he gets money=buying things, it's likely he doesn't understand the impact of hearing that mommy & daddy don't have the money for something like the silly husband implied to the boy. But it still makes me sad.

Growing up, we weren't rich. One birthday & Christmas my dad didn't have a job. My parents never let me know they were hurting for money. There was never a time I didn't feel like I couldn't have something I wanted or even needed. I was lucky that way. I'm an emotional sap, so it's unlikely I could have emotionally handled it anyway. Shit, I can't even emotionally handle my kid thinking we didn't have play doh money. Heaven forbid he grows up & learns about utility bills, mortgages, etc., & wonders if mommy & daddy have money for that. I'm suddenly paranoid that we've set the kid up for grown up worries way too young. All he wanted was some play dog & now we've given him a complex? That's never good.

Of course, I have my own complex about all of these things. I pay my bills but still wonder what if I couldn't? How would we eat? How would we have power? How about water? How the hell do you take care of kids without these basic things? What am I going to do?!

Yes, I worry about these things even though I have no reason to. The bills are current, the house is at a nice 70 degress thanks to the power company, & we even have cable. And buy the overpriced organic milk. We're fancy. And as if me being worried about non-existent money problems, I'm suddenly worried about my son worrying about money.

He's 2.

I think & worry too much.

And for the rest of my life, I will remember my little boy, running to his piggy, more than willing to front mom & dad to money to get him something he wanted. And as sad as I am about it & worried what it could mean for his psychological development though his childhood, I think it's just more proof about how he is the sweetest, smartest kid around.

And, he is mine. Though I still don't know how he ended up so totally awesome.


And weird.

I lie, I know why he's weird.

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