Thursday, June 10, 2010

I'm having a baby.

No, I'm not an idiot & just happened to finally look down & realize I'm pregnant. I'm not that blonde.

I had a funny blog coming up about out bathroom. Yeah, sounds exciting I know, but it was amusing fail after amusing fail of trying to lay tile. From mold to primer...wasn't easy. But after todays doctors appointment, that story moves to the back burner.

No major worries. Baby was "sluggish" during his ultrasound which wasn't a huge surprise to me because lately, on some days, he's not been as active. Makes me paranoid, of course, but when a professional looks at you & also sees it, it makes you go from paranoia to panic pretty damn fast. He eventually perks up enough to pass his test, but the tech still noted that he was sluggish & this was around the same time Joel got sluggish. So I wait for my doctor. I tell the nurse when I'm called back that I'd been a little worried off & on anyway, & the ultrasound didn't help. Doctor comes in & basically says we have two options. OK, not basically, we have two options. First, instead of not being seen again until the 17th when delivery was set, I could come in Friday & Monday to get more ultrasounds like I've been doing & keep the 17th date. Or, decide we're happy that I've made it to 38 weeks & go for it tomorrow. He did warn me that not all babies are 100% cooked & he may need some oxygen assistance if we opt for that.

I asked him if oxygen could be done easily. He looks at me weird & tells me yes. I then ask if he's dead Monday when I come back, what can they do for me.

Obviously, we made the decision to deliver tomorrow on the 10th. They aren't worried really, but did offer to admit me today if I wanted to be monitored until morning. I did pass on that, but I did say if I got worried I'd be showing up at the hospital tonight & he said that was fine.

No, I'm not freaked out. No, I'm not nervous. I feel really weird about going to the hospital & knowing I'll be handed a live baby. I've still not really grasped that concept yet.

I'd wish I'd posted this earlier when life was more uplifting & I was less annoyed, but I figured I'd be in the clear. I mean, how can the night before you have your living baby after a dead baby be bad? Then I spoke to my parents & it was just all...well, the same.

They were going to watch Jules for us while I was in the hospital delivering a baby tomorrow. I'm not sure what really happened, I told my mom I'd be there by 6 but they shouldn't worry about being there until like 10 or 10:30 since I didn't want them to wake Jules up & make him miserable all day. She didn't like that, it was clear in her voice. Honestly, she didn't even seem happy about the idea of the baby anyway. I don't think they even asked why the date was moved up. My mom then told me they'd be late anyway tomorrow & I told her not to be late, I wanted my kid there at a certain time. She gets more annoyed. I finally told my mom to stop with her crappy attitude she'd had for the past few days. She gets defensive & eventually gets angry. Adam hears me upset so he comes down & actually ask for the phone, but I go on with my convo as I'm trying to stay calm but, well, crying on my couch. I forget what she said that was insane, but it was totally something off the wall & I just blurt it out to Adam, she starts yelling at me that I'm lying to Adam & telling him they are saying they aren't bringing Jules over in the morning, which had nothing to do with what I said. She then told me she was done talking to me & was going to hang up & not talk to me anymore tonight. That's when I flip out because I did mention she's got my 2 year old, right? Telling me you're not talking to me anymore when you have my kid...? Yeah, think again. When Adam head that, he left to go get him again.

My mom ends up throwing the phone down to my dad who gets on & is riding me about the 10:30 thing again. I tell him it's got nothing to do with 10:30, it's because I asked her to stop being so crappy & how she was out of line telling me she wasn't going to talk to me anymore when they have my kid with them. The phone eventually disconnected & he didn't call back until several minutes later, which I just realized why & I'll get to that shortly.

I call Adam & tell him what's gone down since he left. Eventually my dad beeps in & I take in. He eventually goes into this thing about how they've talked about it & think I have emotional problems (go ahead & blink a few times at that one), how I'm childish with my mom (blink so more), & that I manipulate everything they say. He then continues about how I don't respect him (wha...?) & that I should bend over &...then he kinda trailed off rambling & ended up speaking up again at the "to thank me for everything I've done in 20-some years" so I think he means I'm suppose to kiss his ass to show my appreciation to him. He then goes into how he's got alot of things to get off his cheat that he's held back for years & "after this is all said & over with" talking about, you know, my baby being born, he's making me go to therapy or something to tell me. I get pissed off & tell him if he's going to bring shit like that up to just say it no, which he refuses. About that time Adam gets there, which I guess he didn't know about until then, & he hangs up on me.

I eventually get ahold of Adam who tells me he's talking to them & I tell him to stop, he doesn't know what all has been said since to me & I want him to stop & walk out now. He does.

He drops interesting bombshells on me. Basically, most of the convo they had with him was to tell him how much I suck at life & always have. My dad confesses to him, as "proof," that he's recorded every phone convo I had while I lived with them, I guess since like high school. And how he was able to read my convos online I guess until I moved in with Adam in 2006, which means they had something on my computer to track what I was saying. And he even admits they've recorded every convo I've had with my mom for however long. And he seems to think this is totally fine. They've bugged their phones & my computer for over 10 years & see it as nothing but proof of who I am, which is a meanie. They even told Adam to come home & ask me about people who they claim I've lied to about my mom. This goes back to my convo earlier with my dad when I was "disconnected." I'm guessing my mom went to start whatever they use to record things & pushed the wrong buttons.

To be honest, the more I think about that the more scared I get because, well, why are you taping me? And going on & on about how it's unfair that I'm taking Jules from you. That was the other thing, they weren't upset that I'm going through childbirth tomorrow with out them, that this makes it unlikey they'll be at the hospital when Blair is born, or anything else, they were just upset they weren't getting to keep Jules. Which yeah, I understand, but there are other things involved here.

So here I am, the night before having a baby & dealing with this insanity. Literally...insanity.

But hey, fuck it. I'm having a baby. And I'm not bat shit crazy, with a stock pile of 10 years of phone convos stored away in my house somewhere to make me feel right. And to me, right behind having a living baby, that's pretty damn important to have in life.

I'm now going to go boil a pacifier. And bask in the glory of know first hand how not to parent or treat your children, be it little ones or grown up ones.

By the time some of you read this, I'll have posted pictures of a baby. Aren't you glad you got to see those before dealing with this craziness?

Yay for adding a crazy people label. Next, a Blair label.

10 comments:

  1. Oh best wishes for a healthy and safe delivery Jess...I'll be keeping you and the Blair in my thoughts. Much love to you

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  2. woah thats all very full on and slightly confusing too! i just want you to have the best delivery you can and thoroughly enjoy your new baby, i'm really excited for you and adam and jules and can't wait to see a picture of your beautiful blair xxx sending loads of love, anne xx

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  3. hugs sweetie! I'm thinking of you. I'm sorry your dealing with crazy parents.

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  4. Have that baby, dammit. Have the baby and cut off your batshit crazy family. They've been recording you? This is stunning. And to give you all kinds of crap now of all times...it's insanity, it really is. Have that baby and don't look back!

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  5. Good Luck with Blair! Can't wait to see pictures :D

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  6. Holy moly....I just came over via Bree's suggestion and am so excited for you and your new little one!!!

    So sad that in the middle of all THIS---you have to deal with, well...all THAT. Not right.

    But you are right--you're not the one with 10 years of tapes stockpiled in your house.

    Funny how seeing the crazy in others somehow helps us maintain our sanity, huh? Or at least appreciate it!

    CONGRATULATIONS!

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  7. Happy delivery wishes!

    The rest is just the crap that makes life less boring and tells us how NOT to be.

    Can't wait to see pics...Good luck!

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  8. I keep checking back for an update and an "all's well". I see a new picture on your facebook badge and I'm hoping that means that all is well!!

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  9. Oh my god, that's awful! Isn't there some sort of law against that? Geez. Cut off your batshit crazy parents. Who needs that kind of BS in their lives? You are smart, funny, and a fantastic writer! You go, girl!

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  10. jessica.wood77@yahoo.comJune 11, 2010 at 2:28 PM

    so glad baby boy is here.

    about your parents, they are toxic and they need to be cut off. they do nothing but hurt you time after time. just because they conceved you and took care of you, as they should have, does not mean they can keep doing what they are doing to you. Have nothing more to do with those people. they are not good for you or your family.

    wish I lived closer.
    have fun with the baby :-)

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