When I say frequently asked questions, please note most of these are questions I ask myself or on a whim decide other people are curious about. I'll just pretend others are asking.
What awful thing happened for you to have a c-section?!
Nothing, nothing at all. Really. At the risk of losing my hippy natural mother card, I will now admit to the world that I have added to the stats I hate of elective c-sections. I like to think my reasons were better than some, especially since I've survived vaginal deliveries before so I obviously wasn't electing to save my vagina a traumatic experience. My optional section came purely out of fear. In the defense of my OB who was willing to do an elective section, he didn't try to scare me or even talk me into it. I'd mentioned it in passing once before, when delivery date came near it came up again & he let me know that if I was serious, he'd be willing to gut me open like a fish. And that's what we ended up doing. Long labors are a part of my life, my last two were 24 & 26 hours, & during the first with Jules the same doctor could have cut me open, other doctors would have, but he held off because he didn't want to have to do it if he didn't have to. Jules had alot of problems during the induction & I didn't want to stress The Blair out. And when he was "sluggish" the day before that really made me decide that I didn't want to risk stressing him out. My biggest fear of a c-section was having one after attempting labor & delivery. If it makes me get any hippy cred back, I still plan to cloth diaper & we didn't get Blair circumcised. Yay!
So how is a c-section different compared to the other births?
Well, I didn't break a sweat & I felt nothing. Other than that, it's comparing apples to oranges. Totally different following a vaginal birth & totally different recovery. I had rough recoveries previously so I can't say that I think one is an easier recovery than the other, just different. Of course, compared to others I must say that my section recovery has been super easy. I was out of bed just over 12 hours he was born, it didn't hurt to get out of bed & after the first time I was in & out without any assistance. Everyone has raved about my incision like it's the best thing on earth. I've not seen it because I really don't want to right now. I'm weird like that. The worse part was when my BP dropped after my spinal, which I was warned would happen. There was one point where I thought I'd spend the entire surgery throwing up, but thankfully I complained in time & they gave me something to send my BP back up so that worked before I puked everywhere. Good times.
How do people treat you when you're having a baby after you've had a dead baby?
Everyone is really nice. Like, really nice. I felt like patient of the day when I went in & we were all getting ready to look at my insides. Everyone joked around, to some people it may have been an alarming amount. I'm not sure how many people would enjoy hearing their surgical team discuss vodka. Even worse was my doctors choice in music on his ipod. My baby was pulled out during a Dave Matthews Band song. And as I waited my chance to see him for real (pulling a curtain down doesn't count), I was subjected to Sugaray's "Every Morning."
So how did The Blair do?
Fine, obviously. He cried for less than 5 seconds after he was born. He looked around like he wasn't sure about this whole thing the entire time I saw him. I offered to let him go to the nursery while I was still in the OR getting glued back together because he was having some temp problems which lead to some funny barking noises during his breathing. I'd hoped the sooner they got him warmed, the sooner I'd get him back. My mistake, because they actually ended up keeping him until around 11 or a little after. That made me sad.
Hey, speaking of sad, how were you?
I was, well, sad. I have this odd experience of feeling like I'm being unfair to either Blair or Joel, depending on my mood at the time. When I'm sad for Joel & wishing things with him were different, I feel like I'm saying Blair shouldn't happen. When I'm happy with Blair, I feel like I'm saying it's good how things with Joel worked out. I know that neither are really true, but it still sucks. And of course the drama I had with the parents sure didn't help matters.
Hey, speaking of those folks, how are things there?
Bitter. I decided during surgery that when we were out I'd have Adam call them & tell them we were alive. He did, no answer. He called a couple times with no luck & their machine wouldn't even pick up. When he went out for something to eat later I decided to do the same myself with the same luck. So I called a cell phone & left a message there. Soon after, right when a nurse came in, I got a call back from my mother & I tell her I have to call her back because a nurse just came in. I call back a few minutes later & get my dad. He's about as warm & loving as a rock in the phone call. I end up trying to have some emotional moment with him since he complains I never do & tell him I'm sad. When he ask why, I guess he thought he was going to get some heartfelt apology for the evils I'd done in my life toward them, but when I instead told him it was because of the baby issues & not getting to even hold him yet, he seemed dismissive again & went on with life. Nothing from them the entire time I was in the hospital, I went ahead & called & left a message about us getting out a couple hours before we went home. Late last night I get a call back from my dad telling me he was calling to check in. Nice, I thought. Then about 20 seconds later he is wanting something we borrowed earlier this week back, tells me to just sit it outside & he'll be by early the next morning to get it. I decided to flat out ask if they were going to want to see the baby & he basically said no. I forget the exact comment, but it was something along the lines of "well, we don't know if we will." I get off the phone & think I'm sad for about 10 seconds, then realize that emotion is anger, not sadness. How anyone can not want to see a baby is beyond me, how anyone can not want to see a living baby after what we all went through last year...I can't even put into words. I did find out through family today that the parents are talking to the family like nothing is going on, as in like I just didn't have a baby basically, & from what I gather lots of family thinks they are asses for it. So not all of my family is insane.
What the hell is wrong with your family?
I really have no idea. Feel free to submit your ideas.
Where did Jules end up while you were in the OR listening to your doctor talk about vodka?
He was with my cousin & his wife. Mainly the wife since she's the one who was home 99% of the time. They have 2 kids of their own, one a year older than Jules & one the same age. A good time was had by all. She totally saved us, she even took off work for us & came to pick him up at like 5am. And drove him back & forth to the hospital a couple times while we were there. Her mom even went out shopping & got him juice & spiderman snacks. Oh, & Buzz Lightyear sunglasses. Crying happened when Jules finally went home with dad, mainly from the little girl Jules age. So we have to plan a sleep over of our own in the future. Seriously though, I owe them big time. I can't even explain how much I appreciate them for it. I honestly don't think I've had anyone do anything so short notice, on their own (she called into work as soon as she heard we may need help), & without any strings attached.
How is Jules doing as a big brother?
OK, I'll admit it, I was worried. He was totally not into this baby idea. He refused to talk about it, look at any baby stuff, & I just kept seeing him throwing himself down screaming from day one. He did not though. He has been very cool about everything. His life really hasn't changed at all, he still does everything & acts the exact same, only now he ask "where is the baby" or "where is Blair?" There was the time in the hospital that he was unhappy that Adam held him & announced "that's mommys baby" which I enjoyed. Everything else is daddy's, so I'll take what I can get. But he's great with Blair, shows him his Buzz Lightyear's & offered him a fry tonight. Let's hope that continues.
Um, I read this blog because you're funny, did anything funny or annoying happen while you were at the hospital or something?
Well, it's not funny but I do wonder why people think the hospital is restful. Seriously, they come in & out all night long. The first night I was there I didn't have to pee & my pee loving nurse wasn't happy about that, so she stayed on my ass all night long with the threat of a cath even though she "hated to have to do that" to me if I didn't pee enough by one time, then another time. Because, you know, as a patient I can't refuse anything. Yeah, sure. SO I was kept up all night long to take in fluids so I could pee & be left alone. The a physicians assistant woke me up after an hour of sleep by being 4 inches away from my face & poking me. This was like 7am. She then complained I hadn't been up enough which I thought was funny because some nurses told me I didn't even have to try to get up until the 24 hour mark. Again, I didn't get out of bed until 10pm the night before, so I guess I was suppose to be up walking the hallways while I was taking in gallons of fluids to try to pee. Then the fact that I was going to make fun of a doctor because he looked about like a 9th grader...then he walked up & introduced himself as our babys doctor. Now, I'd seen this guy once about 3 years ago myself (he's a family doctor) & I've seen his picture hanging in the office. Dude looked like he was 40 all these times. I really have no idea what on earth happened to him, but he managed to de-age himself & make himself look like he's a kid my husband had in class last year. He asked what high schools we went to, Adam made the observation that maybe he wanted to check his basketball schedule. I did appreciate he had no lecture or parenting advice. Our ped with Jules suggested cry it out even with a newborn. And even this time nurses popped in with their random thoughts like "oh...it's noon & your curtains aren't open, he's going to get his days & nights mixed up" while looking at us sad. If she'd pressed it I'd planned on telling her I just got up since I was up all night trying to drink enough to pee, but she didn't. Then before we left there was that weird moment where a nurse was all excited & said, "you get to take one home this time!" Nice thought, but it was like one of those "wtf?" moments.
So, you like that baby you got there?
Before he was born I was looking at baby gyms. I couldn't believe they wanted me to pay $60 or more for a mat with some dangling toys that we'd lose or ruin eventually, which is why we don't have the one we had with Jules anymore. I didn't get one, I didn't see the point. Now that he's born, I want to not buy one, but about 10 of them. And I want to sew them all together to make one huge baby activity mat for our house. And considering the husband is still waiting for me to saw a hole in the crotch of a pair of his dress pants since 2006, that should tell you how much I like this baby. The fact that I'm willing to sew or do anything domestic in an appropriate time frame says alot.
I also want to go out. I have no where to go & even though recovery is fantastic I really doubt I need to go out on the town, but I feel as though I should go out & show the world this amazing creature. He's that special, I feel bad keeping him away from the public. I feel like we should go on top of a mountain & lift him above the heads of the masses while Elton John sings "The Circle of Life" live & in person behind us.
...you're on pain medication, aren't you?
Yes, yes I am.
Anything else you'd like to mention?
Yeah, Baby Cocoons are weird & I'm going to devote a blog to them shortly. Same as my bathroom project gone very wrong. I also like to tell everyone that I love my Baby K'Tan Carrier. I got one hoping it wouldn't suck, decided to try it today just so I could move around the house hands free & it's the most awesome baby product I've ever tried. I'm suddenly not scared to leave the house...yes, even though I want to leave the house (my duty to share this wonderful creature if you'll remember) I still find the thought kinda scary. I also ordered a breast pump. I've never breastfed a baby until now & I have to admit I regret not doing it before. I seem to have another one of those way easy experiences compared to others (I have nipples of steel & a baby born to latch perfectly), but I highly recommend giving it at least a shot. I will admit he's gotten 2 bottles of formula the day we came home. I'd try to nurse, get nothing even trying to myself, & he hadn't had any wet diapers all day (this is like 4pm at this point, last wet diaper was like 3am), so I gave him a sample from the OB's office. He had both of those that evening & magically my milk came in the next morning. I actually had Adam buy a small can of pre-made stuff, just in case, but none of it's been used. So I'll never be able to say he was exclusively breastfed, but from here it looks really good for us. Well, really good besides those times I've sprayed him in the face with milk. Like...three times now. Oh, & I sprayed the wall in our bedroom. Oops. And, like I said, I have a breast pump on it's way so that should bring a nice, fun blog because at first I was totally creeped out by the thought of pumping, but now I think I'd like to have some extra just in case of whatever & so I can one day make Adam get up at 6am to feed him. I'm sure attaching a suction device to my breast will create great amusement. Adam may blog about that himself since he's kinda sotra obsessed with the idea of it. I mean hell, they brought the baby to me to nurse him the first time, it was time to "learn" how it's done, & he jumped up to stand at my chest to learn himself. He can't be that amazed by boobs, I think I've mentioned before that I show them all the time. Maybe he'll somehow induce his own lactation. That would be fun. And not in a creepy way.
I also want to say thanks for everything from everyone. I've not had the time to thank everyone for everything, from comments to messages to even facebook statuses, but it means alot. You people rule.
And in my effort to share the glory that is this baby...