Saturday, March 20, 2010

How NOT to talk to a dead baby mom if you're the nurse she's calling.

So The Blair hadn't been moving much. He's usually all over the place & yesterday he dropped down to way less movement. Even poking & prodding didn't get him moving last night. I figured it was because I was so busy yesterday.

This morning I woke up & he still wasn't moving right. My doppler said his heart rate was anywhere from 115-130. The 115 kinda worried me, but I figured I was getting that count when he wasn't letting me get a clear shot of his heat beat.

Not being an idiot & being pregnant as a life skill at this point, I did everything I kne they'd tell me to do if I called my OB's office. I drank water & laid on my left side. That hour I got about 3, maybe 4, movements. Later I drank some juice. Didn't do mu h difference. I drank a coke, which really had the opposite effect on him, I think he took a nap at that point. Got up & ate a bowl of cereal. Gave it some time, he still didn't move much. Maybe 4 times in 45 minutes? HIs heart rate went back up to 150-ish though, so that was good.

But at that point, I opted to call my OB's office. Now, I had another instance when I was pregnant with Jules of calling the after hours number & getting nothing in response but about 4 hours long of headache & aggravation. Back then, because it was almost time for the office to open, no one bothered to call me back. I got ahold of the office about 45 minutes later & then spent all morning going back & forth with the stupid nurse, who I refused to deal with ever again after that.

Anyway, back to this current experience. I hate faith that since the office changed since then, that things would be different. The good news is she called me back in like 3 minutes. The bad news is she called me back within 3 minutes.

First, she's breaking up & she is somewhere very loud. I'm convinced she was at the mall the more I think about it. She can't hear me because she's in the middle of whatever, so I'm having to say everything twice & basically yell a few times.

Ummm...shouldn't you go somewhere quiet when you call a patient? Just curious.

She acted from the start of the phone call that I was bothering her. She made it clear that she was busy & didn't have time to deal with me & my petty concerns. I believe a couple times, she started talking to people around her.

Yes, seriously.

She does exactly hat I knew she would. Tells me to drink water. Tell her I did that & told her the results. She tells me to drink juice. I told her I did that & went ahead & told her I'd also tried drinking a soda to see if that helped & it did nothing. I had to repeat all of that again because she couldn't hear.

I'm finally told, "Well, babies sleep."


Looking back, I should have blurted out a reminder of "yeah, I know, I gave birth to one that never woke up." Maybe that would have got her attention away from the sales rack she was looking at with whoever.

Instead I tell her I knew that babies slept, but he was moving less yesterday & he's moving less today, even when I do things to get him moving. I tell her I was told I should call if the baby is moving less than what is normal for them & he is. Hell, the paperwork says to call if I "just feel like something isn't right."

She tells me, again, that babies sleep. I guess for 24 hours? That he's asleep & will be "kicking up a storm" later tonight because "that's what babies do." And, again, she's still talking to me like I'm a fucking idiot who is just interrupting her day off work. Anyway, she finally tells me if I'm worried I can go to the hospital labor & delivery. But as long as I feel something sometimes, it's not a huge deal.

Last time I felt "something, sometimes" my baby died, mind you. And babies don't just go from totally active, stable heart rates to dead in 3 seconds flat. So I'm trying to be more aware of things now & take preventive measures myself to cut off anything bad happening or so if the worse does happen, people won't go behind my back asking the medical "professionals" things like "why didn't she know?" or "how long was she carrying the baby after it died?" like I found out they did last time.

Anyway. I say, "OK, well, if he's just sleeping like you say he is, if he doesn't start moving more later or tomorrow, would you suggest I go in?"

"uh, yeah, sure, I guess."

Again, in that tone of "why are you bothering me?" & this time adding in a bit of "I'm just telling you this so you'll leave me alone."

I respond with "OK" because I'm not really sure where to go at this point. Before I can figure it out, she tells me, "OK, bye" & hangs up.

The end.

Of course, this does give me one thing...I no longer worry about not having jelly on the 30th. I cannot wait to go in & tell my doctor what a cunt (can you tell I love that word?) I dealt with, too busy to even go somewhere she could focus on the pregnant woman on the phone with her instead of whatever she was doing otherwise. Chances are I'll get on my soap box. You remember my soap box, right?


Just imagine my slender stick figure had a gut now, I'm too lazy to create a new one.

And from there, just lecture about how I'm not even sure why they have & brag about their after hours care if the person answering you call doesn't give a damn. And how sad it is that even though they want to pretend they are there for me, the dead baby mom, after 5pm on weekdays until 8am the next weekday morning, I'm on my own because what that woman told me is something I could have found on google if I didn't have any idea, only google may at least pull up website that act like they give a damn. And from now on, instead of wasting my time or getting my hopes up, I'll just go to that damn hospital I hate so much, since I have to go there until I'm 37 weeks, & take care of myself. Unless, of course, he'd like to give me his phone number so I can have someone who would at least have the sense to go to the mall bathroom & talk to me instead of staying inside Hot Topic & saying, "what?!" at everything I said.

That of course, if I hold it in until then. I may just call Monday, depending on how fired up I stay about this womans attitude over the weekend.

...I should prepare for these things ahead of time. I regret not just telling her that all myself. I need to stop getting shocked by complete & total incompetence from people who are suppose to take care of me so I can at least bitch them out.

The Blair is currently fine. He likes when mommy gets good & fired up.

I'm going to go back to watching Property Ladder on TLC & monitoring The Blair.


  1. Jess, you need to change docs. The way you are being treated is NOT right or even normal. You, as you know, are at high risk. If the baby isn't moving as much as normal, you should be hooked up to minitors,pronto. If that isn't written all the fuck over your chart, your doc is failing you, And whoever called you back, should lose her job.
    i'll bet somewhere here in db land there is another db mom in your area who can recommend a better doc for you. You deserve the very best care available. The very best.Take nothing less.

  2. Other doctors don't want anything to do with me, going back to this practice wasn't my first choice. Seriously, they all reject me & tell me I need to see the local high risk doctor...who is the one who fucked up with Joel. I think they are afraid of getting sued if something happens. I refuse to see that man of course.

    Checked with a high risk doctor before I even got pregnant about an hour away & they don't want to see me because they think there is no reason to make me just see a high risk specialist, so they tell me to go to a regular OB office & don't accept me as a high risk patient. The local regular OB offices, minus the one I'm using now, won't take that guys recommendation over the local specialist they all love & adore.

    Lovely, isn't it?

  3. I had a very similiar experience when my Gracie who died a 26 1/2 weeks. I had to beg them to let me come in and she was dead. I agree you need a doctor who's going to take you seriously!!

  4. okay, i'm typing with one hand. so this may be choppy. my doc is always distracted when she talks to me off hours, as well. i love your picture, and yes you should def head to the hospital next time. i was watching property ladder, too. only thing on on saturdays. glad blair is up! :)

  5. dorothygaleislostMarch 20, 2010 at 9:41 PM

    WTF!?!?! That is all I can say. Yeah - let me know if you calm down by Monday - and I'll call. They just don't get it - and they need to hear it. (((HUGS)))

    And a side note to Blair - I love naps too sweetie - but please don't scare Mommy like that.

  6. Jess, thinking of you...hoping he is moving more now.

  7. Jess, have you been checked for clotting disorders??? Oh and forget calling that nurse, go to emerg or labour and delivery. Seriously, do it.

  8. Yeah, I have. And I'm free & clear from them. Well, the disorders...I still owe an insane amount of money for the testing since insurance won't cover it, but that's another rant for another day.

    And The Blair continues to be fine.

  9. That is absolutely ridiculous! I would def complain about her!!



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