Thursday, October 15, 2009

My first prenatal as a DB mom.

Lovely title, don't you think?

Today I had a nurse appointment. Interesting.

If you've never been pregnant before, let me tell you how these go. You sit there & answer questions because they don't trust you to fill out your own paperwork for some reason.

Another reason I loved my midwife during my pregnancy with Joel, the first time she met me she said something along the lines of "you seem literate, I'm sure you can handle it." And I could. And I did.

Like with Jules, this time I got to sit & tell a woman I never had this or that for 30 minutes. If I could have had the papers, I'd got it done in like 5. Of course, I found it odd that a question not asked was if anyone ever had cancer. My mom had cervical cancer, that always comes up at the vagina doctor, pregnant or not. But today it didn't. And the more I think about it, most of the health questions you're usually asked didn't come up. Hmm.

Anyway, I started out kinda blah. Well, no, I lie. I started out a complete nervous wreck. I kept dropping things when I was trying to get ready. Annoying. When I got to the office I got the joy of peeing in a cup. That is always fun. This time it was made more fun because the cup didn't have a lid, it had a paper lid like some sort of ice cream cup that I had to attempt to put on just right without shoving it into the cup of urine. A cup shouldn't be that difficult.

When the nice lady brought me back to a really nice office, she stood as I was sitting & said, "Alright...um, your test...it came back really faint." Alright, so? She then asked if I thought I was early. I told her I would only be about 4 to 5 weeks. She then said, "Well, alright, that could be a reason it's faint I guess...I guess we can go ahead & do this now." Add that to the comment later when she asked if I'd had any bleeding & she responded to my no with "no, alright not yet."

...um, was she trying to tell me that because I had a faint test I didn't have a viable pregnancy? Kinda felt like it to be honest. A line is a line, it doesn't tell you how pregnant or if you're going to stay pregnant. It can be faint at 40 weeks depending on the test.

She took my blood pressure & I told her that I have fat arms so she'd need to use the large cuff. She told me I was wrong, that I "wasn't big enough" to need it. And how she said it, without even looking at my arm, I kinda took it as I wasn't big enough...all over? Alright I guess. But then my BP read high of course. I do have fat arms (seriously, I hate my arm) & I've had my BP taken with a regular cuff & the large cuff within a minute of each other & the regular cuff read higher than the large cuff. She tested it again later but it was still high. Again, fat arms. I think that played into alot of my so called BP problems in my first pregnancy. Every time they used the regular cuff I was higher than normal. My fat arms are right on the line for too fat for a regular cuff, depending on the doctors office they use the regular cuff or the large cuff.

We then got to the past pregnancy thing. I told her with Jules I had a vacuum assisted delivery, when I told her I didn't with Joel she responded with "oh, a c-section" then went to write that I'd had a section, which I didn't. When I said I didn't, she looked at me kinda weird, as if she thought it was odd that I didn't have the vacuum assisted birth both times.

Then we discussed Joel. She automatically assumed he had a chromosome problem, which he didn't. She asked if I was sure, I told her I was. I went on to explain that he had unilateral renal agensis & because of that there were fluid issues. She finally responded with, "Oh, so you knew he wouldn't be viable." I looked at her confused, asked what she meant, & she repeated herself. I then, again, had to tell her the story & explained that it was not a fatal condition, we didn't expect him to die, & had to tell her it just meant 1 missing kidney, not two.

I hate the word "nonviable." Kinda, well, makes me angry. I also hate that she marked him down as a miscarriage. I know that, chances are, that is what is suppose to be marked. Personally, I don't think a 40 week death should be classified as a miscarriage. And I also hate that word for any death in pregnancy. Is it just me or doesn't that put the blame on the mother? I didn't miscarry anything, my son died. It wasn't my fault, I carried him just fine, thank you very much.

Silly me, getting caught up on words.

I went into the fact that I tested positive for one gene mutation, which only requires extra folic acid. She seemed to get very confused & asked if that effected my previous pregnancies, even though I'd just said that I was tested when I delivered my 2nd son. I felt at times she was a bit pushy about me consenting to test. I'm not big on test. I passed on a couple, one she didn't even give me an option on besides consenting to, which was funny since on the paper it said I could pass on it as well. She gave me a book, I had to sign that I'd received the book, then asked if I had any questions. I asked one, she had no answer. She also spoke with the doctor because she acted as though she wanted me to see him since I was, well, complicated, but he assured her there was nothing that big of a deal as long as I was on the folic acid.

...you know, as I sit here & read this, while everyone was nice, I'm really questioning if this is the right place for me. I need to be involved. Like...really involved. For my own sanity & because I'm one of those weird people who think I have the right to know. I know it's too early to judge & it's unfair to judge just based on a woman who ask if I've ever had an STD & what my drink habits are like, but I worry this is another "set in our ways" place. I've never been one to just go with the flow & believe everything told to me. I worry that when I ask for something patients don't usually ask for, like a copy of the ultrasound report because I want to see that with my own two eyes, I'll be discouraged from it.

Again, this is all paranoia. I didn't even meet a doctor or anything, but I already have that anxious paranoia going. I'm not even a month pregnant & here I am dreading things I shouldn't have to dread.

Yay, a roller coaster of emotions here I come!

I think tomorrow I'll call my friend who happened to be my midwife last time around & get her feedback &, if needed, a pep talk. I love my midwife & if she had hospital privileges I'd be going to her right now. But since I'm going to be induced before my due date, I need someone who can admit me to get that going. That woman, she spoiled me with info about myself, I've been ruined now that I know it's possible to get told any & every thing. Who would have thought?

This...it's on me. Let's hope I get this one right. Remember, you are your only real advocate. And when you're pregnant, you're the only advocate for your baby. Don't feel bad about questioning as much as needed to get answers, you have the right for yourself & your child. Push until you get results you want & need.

Yeah, easier said that done. Trust me I have been been there & done that. Be strong though, you will regret it later if you don't, even if everything works out perfectly. And maybe if you do it, the next person after you won't have such a hard time with whoever, you will have broken them in for us. Personally, I'd appreciate it alot. I'm tried of bring that "difficult" patient. I think doctors offices have stickers on my chart saying "avoid!"

But hey, at least I'm memorable, right?

Oh yeah, this lady said my due date is June 19th. That's 2 days later than anything else I've seen, but I assume she can use a little due date wheel. At least I hope so.

Of course, I just looked up June 19th. That is a Saturday. In the same breath she told me June 19th, she told me I was 4 weeks & 6 days. That means I turn 5 weeks on Thursday & every Thursday is when my weeks go up. So my due date would have to be on a Thursday. The Thursday in June when I'm 40 weeks is the 17th.

*sigh*

Wheels are hard I guess.

7 comments:

  1. She sounds like an idiot. When you've experienced loss before, I thought dr's were normally more proactive with you, like wanting to talk to you on first visits and have more appointments etc? I've had one loss and it was very early (so early that I didn't even know to pee on a stick yet and was left with a feeling like wtf just happened here?) - so I can see where they wouldnt think I needed special attention. But really? A 40 week still birth and she is certain (since she knows your med history better than you of course) that a gene mutation caused that and assumes joel's pregnancy was never viable anyway. Not only is she an idiot, she's a bitch. I think I might dr shop if she is going to be a regular nurse! Hugs girlfriend!

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  2. Jess, I am sorry you dealth with such an insensitive moron today. I hope this is just an isolated incident for you. *hugs*

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  3. She bugs me and I didn't have to go to her. She sounds like an idiot.

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  4. Thank you guys. I forgot to mention, it was late when I wrote this, that she isn't a nurse nurse, she's just there to do OB info. So it isn't like I'd have to deal with her ever again.

    I was going to ask her about anything extra they'll be doing to monitor this baby, but I asked her a simple general question about if they usually did early ultrasounds & she had no idea. I figure if you don't know that, you don't know anything extra they'll be doing for me this pregnancy. I'd seen a specialist in August for a pre-conception consult & he had a few things he recommended if I became pregnant again (more growth scans, NST in the last trimester, delivery by 39 weeks), I told her that & she seemed, again, confused, & told me to get a copy of it for the record "just in case." I'm sure the doctor will be more than willing to following the suggestions of the specialist, but she seemed to act like it was really up to them at the end of the day. Which it kinda is, but if they don't want to go with those suggestions at least, I plan on moving on to another care provider. If one of the best specialist in the state tells me I should consider doing these things, I trust him on that. If I have do, I"ll drive an hour to Charleston & see the practice of OB's he usually works with.

    I guess this stuff going on now is better than in mid-pregnancy. But I still hate that any of us pregnant women have to deal with this type of thing.

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  5. I am so sorry that you had to deal with someone like that with your office visit. I am also sorry on the loss of your son Joel. I am sure he is a beautiful angel in heaven.

    Five years ago today I suffered a miscarriage at 10 weeks. It was devastating. I went for my first ultrasound, only to find out that there was no heart beat. I had to have a D&C. Shock and disbelief are the two words that come to mind. The comments other people said to me were awful. I still remember them today. It was my first pregnancy and we were so excited only to have our hearts broken.
    I find it interesting that I found the story on WSAZ today and your blog today.
    I do now have a healthy 3 year old son. He is so sweet. During the pregnancy with him though, I was always worried about the "what if's". I had a happy pregnancy and one with few problems, but after a loss, the fear was always there. My mid-wife and doctor were great and really tried to answer all my questions and ease my fears. I earned quite a few extra ultrasounds with my son as a precaution (and because he would not cooperate.)
    I want to thank you for sharing your story. Please continue to be your own advocate. Good luck and thank you again.

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  6. Jess, I just wanted to say that 7 weeks ago on Aug. 25 th of 09 my husband and I lost our baby. I was 38 weeks and went in for a checkup. The same thing happened to me, there was no heartbeat at the ultrasound. The next day I delievered a 5 pound 6 ounch beautiful baby girl, Leah Shyann Russell. We are trying again, she was our first, the room is done( ladybugs) and we are here at home without our baby girl. I don't know how you are doing it. It is killing me. I love and miss her sooo much. I felt her kicking one min and she was gone the next. I really need someone to talk to that knows what I'm feeling, cause everyone else, that hasn't lost a child, doesn't know the true pain. Even though they say "I KNOW". Here is my e-mail address, if you have time, I would love to talk to you. j_russell07@yahoo.com. I really need a helping hand right now, thank you very much, and I'm sorry for your loss, I truely know your pain!! God bless!!

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  7. Hi Jess,
    Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'd be honored to make a butterfly for Joel. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm gonna go catch up on your story. But, I just learned of my rainbow baby too. And, my dd is 6/20 (if all goes well). :)

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