Sunday, October 4, 2009

I'm so darn popular I have "keyword activity."

I feel so special. Mind you, it doesn't take much to make me feel this way. I'm also nosey. Really nosey. I have this website tracker thing set up on my blog to keep track of my hits. I've recently discovered a "keyword activity" link on my stat counter & I've been trilled with what I've seen.

You people who search & find my blog from search engines...you're weird. But good news, you're really not anymore weird than me or anyone I know. So please, feel free to come back & read my insanity. Of course, since I'm the smartest person on the earth & people have these serious questions they've used google to find help with, I figure now I'll take the time to take some of my favorites & help these searchers.

You're welcome.

my life's an epic fail
Hi there. You're preaching to the choir, but if it makes you feel better stick around & read about mine. It'll make yours seem alright in most cases.

my mom likes to be naked outside
Look on the bright side...I bet you're really popular with your guy friends. Always try to see the bright side of things.

sisterinlaw is a cocksucker
Oh, hi there! I'm Adam's wife. Since your sister in law is a cock sucker, I'm guessing you must someone in MY sister in laws husbands family. Good to know I'm not alone in that situation.

how do i write a letter to my husband who disappointed me?
...are you new at this whole wife thing?

OK, that doesn't matter. Let me help you. First, why are you talking all sweet? You sound like you want to make it all better & let him know your inner most thoughts. Your husband wants a blowjob, not your inner most thoughts. Make him suffer. I've found that honestly I can out scream & fight any man. I think it's something all women can do, men don't like to stay on the same subject for long. So screw the letter & get mean. Stomp into your bedroom right now & yell out "listen here, fucker, get the fuck out of my bed & you can come back when you fucking apologize."

Worse comes to worse? You get a bed to yourself for a few nights. And trust me, at the end of the day, that is just as satisfying as letting your husband know your inner most feelings.

Oh yeah, don't give him a blowjob again until you get said apology. Remember, you're right. He's wrong.

Let me know if you need anymore help.

Angry letter to wife
Are you married to the above person?

Anyway, let me write your letter for you. "Honey, I'm sorry. I'm a selfish ass, you deserve more than I give you. Please forgive me, I'm nothing without you." Attach said note to flowers, leave for wife before you go to work. Everything will be all better.

Trust me, even if you are right, we don't care. We want to be right & we want to hear that you know we are right. If you're lucky enough to have a wife like me, you just need to do what I've told you. Again, trust me, that will get you back on track to blowjob city & off the couch.

Oh yeah, next time don't piss her off. She wants you to WANT her to do something or she wants you to WANT her to buy something. It's really that simple.


my husband yells too much

No he doesn't. You just don't yell enough.


Cabell Huntington Hospital

...pass. Unless you want to read that link, of course.

prenatal ultrasound
This?

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Better than any ultrasound I got...

why does my husband do that?
Because men aren't easily trained, believe it or not. Keep trying, it'll get better.

favorite animal is cow
This is just to make me remember my pain & sadness of the cows not liking me, isn't it?

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what happens if i don't register my babys birth?

Can't help you with that. Even though I sent 40 weeks pregnant, went through 26 hours of pitocin induced labor, & pushed out a 6lb 8.7oz 20 inch long son, he doesn't count so he isn't registered as a birth. I didn't give birth, you know, I had a dead fetus. So I don't get to register a baby or even get a piece of paper that says I gave birth. Thank you, lovely government.

will cats hurt my baby?
No, no, no. But they will talk to the dead with their psychic powers during a candle light seance.

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Tips for grilling
Well, this depends on what you're cooking. If you're cooking sometimes like burgers, I suggest reading this. There you will get tips on how to hopefully avoid burning down your house.
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Those are buns. Not my house. I didn't tell you'd I'd do anything besides maybe advise you on how NOT to burn down your house.

However, if you're burning hate...
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well, click here for those tips.

mounting television onto wall
Don't do it like this.


cats in boxes

Only because we train them to at a young age.

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my son is crazy
Maybe we should get your son together with my crazy son.

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What, don't all kids sit on their parents heads?

meeting someone online date
I think you're trying to ask if you should? Sure, just be safe about it. Meet in a public place, like Applebees. Park your small car around very large trucks, as a way to be hidden. Why? Because if he's ugly you can drive away & block his email. And if he isn't ugly, be warned, you may get stuck with him. I did.

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mother in law
That is way too easy. I'll pass because I don't like to shoot fish in barrels.


husband bothers me

Well, that is easy to fix.

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jessica culver blog
I feel like breaking out into the theme song to "Fame!" I'm gonna live forever!

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What? When you're famous you don't have to wear makeup. Or fix your hair. Or do your laundry.

Thanks to you readers...I know you're out there because, like I said, I'm nosey & track those things. And thank you even more to those who use fun google key terms to find me. I appreciate it, as does anyone else who gets amusement from this.

And I really never realized how much I talked about cocksucking. Only once did I call someone that! But now, thanks to this, I'm sure I'll get all sorts of hits from "blowjob." Hello to all of you 12 year old boys out there trying to read up about those & hopefully how to get one of them. Remember...the woman is always right & likes flowers.

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