Monday, October 19, 2009

Another story of my day blog...with unrelated pictures.

I wanted to share my Halloween decorations, but I wanted to share my story of stupidity & my doctors visit. So enjoy this, well, clutter fuck.

First I was reviewing my grad school paper I'd just gotten back in email to see the problems with it. I was sitting in the living room, Jules got up & went into the dining room & kitchen area, I called for him & he came right back. I continued to review. When I finally finished, I looked up & saw this...


Baking powder. In just a moment, he got into my cabinet & got out a full container of baking powder & dumped it.

In case you're wondering how I didn't see him doing this until it was too late, my view of what exactly he had & what he was doing with it was obstructed...


That's why babies like toys, so they can block your view from the evil they are doing.

He didn't get why mom kept saying "are you serious?" in that defeated tone she usually saves for daddy when talking about his family...


He looked like he'd been trying to make wine out of powdered donuts...



Too bad it wasn't baking soda, I would have pretended he was just trying to deodorize our rug.

Then I went to the doctor. A random doctor I didn't pick, just who I could get in to see. His nurse was nice, so that was a plus. I found out that consult I had in August, well, he was an idiot. Um, confused, he was confused. He put in my report that with Jules I was induced at 39 weeks due to pre-eclampsia. Totally not true. What's funny to me about that is that he spoke with Adam & I about how since with Jules & Joel I didn't start labor on my own even as close to 42 weeks like with Jules, we would want to induce any future babies around 39 weeks. But anyway, I had to explain that to the nurse. Then I had to explain it to the doctor. Of course I had a slightly high 130/88. I'm not sure what cuff she used, but as usual I was slightly freaked out.

The doctor wasn't concerned, but he did mention if I have constant slightly high readings, he'd refer me to the local hypertension office to have a test run to see if I was really having high readings or not. I was fine with this...until I remembered the doctor who misdiagnosised Joel runs said hypertension office. *sigh*

Please blood pressure, please, get normal.

And now that I'm worried, I'm sure that'll do WONDERS for my blood pressure.

Anyway, doctor was 30 minutes late. He had four appointments at 1, he was still over at the hospital until the nurse called him over to make him come. His med student, who looked like she was in 5th grade, beat him over. Then he spent like 5 minutes at my door, I assume reading my chart. I appreciate him reading my chart, but don't you hate when a doctor just stands at your door? You're just itching to get the show on the road, you're just staring at the shadow on the floor under the crack, waiting to hear any noise that signals they are about to enter your room.

They finally enter my room. He goes into my BP eventually, then he asked where I lived. I thought that was an odd question, but he then said "good, because you're going to be here alot." The plan is this...consider me high risk & deal with me with gentle hands basically. That's why he wants to go ahead & rule out any BP problems, though he doubts there is anything there. Ultrasound in 2 weeks. Another around 18 weeks. Then when I hit the 28 week mark every 2 weeks. At 35 weeks, every week. All ultrasounds in that last trimester are going to include biophysical profiles, which basically insures everything with baby is functioning as it should. I'm also going to have non-stress test every week in my 3rd trimester. So, by the time I hit 35 weeks in the beginning of the week I'll have an ultrasound & biophysical profile, then at the end of the week I'll go back for a non-stress test. At 39 weeks, induction will happen. But he says if there are any worries as soon as I hit 35 weeks, depending on the issue, they will deliver then.

Basically, this doctor wants to make sure I bring this baby home. I'm all for that.

So in two weeks we go get an ultrasound. Here, I have proof:


That is my ultrasound order. I have carefully placed the ninja turtle magnet in the center to cover the reason for the ultrasound..."viability." Ugh. Have I told you how much I hate that word?

Of course, what's funny to me is that the order tells me that if I don't bring it with me, my appointment will be canceled & I'll have to come back in another time. Not only is it the same office, in fact the ultrasound peoples office is right across the hall from the check out desk, but the woman who makes my appointments also writes my order for the ultrasound. So, she's basically reschedule my appointment & re-write the order herself. I find that somewhat amusing, but whatever.

But as far as my doctor, seemed decent enough. I didn't hate him or get annoyed by him, so that's a plus.

After my doctors visit, I went to Sam's Club. I wished I had my camera, because they had one of those "taste testing" booths set up, warning you to be careful of the hot samples. The product they were sampling? Kitty litter. Fresh Step, to be exact. I didn't stick around to see what that test involved.

After I collected my cat food, I stopped by & got a bag of apples. I have this plan to make a pie much like my dear friend Vicki did. I then went to the counter to pay. The woman working the register had just finished checking out a family who drove 3 hours to spent $600. But me with my apples, that bothered her. Alot. First, she didn't understand why I was buying cat food & apples, she found that odd. I finally said, "Well, the apples are for us...I'm going to make a pie."

"A PIE?!"

...I wondered what I had said, but bravely I said, "Yeah, a pie."

"You can't make a PIE out of these apples! They are RED! You can only make pies out of green apples!"

*blink blink* <-That was all I could do.

She went on for a few minutes about how it wasn't a good idea. I finally tell her I'm using a recpie of my friends & that it "looked good" which she didn't like either. She blurted out, "Oh, but you didn't taste it! You can't make a pie with red apples, it won't work." I finally say, "Well, I guess we'll see how it works out when I make it." She then looked at me odd & asked, "So you still want them?"


Yes, I want my apples. I finally got my apples & decided to go over to the deli area to get a pretzel. My pregnant ass loves pretzels. I also decided a root beer float would be awesome. They use to have them, I ask the girl, & she tells me they just did away with them on the menu. So I asked, "Well, is there someway we can create one so I can make it myself?" I mean, all they use to do was put some ice cream in a drink cup & hand it to you so you could go to the fountain machine. She looked at me like I had a penis growing out of my forehead & said, "Well, I'll have to charge you for an ice cream cup AND a soda!" I was fine with that, it's Sam's, that still just like $1.25. That along with my pretzel was less than $3.

She hands me my drink cup & walks off. I stand there & when she comes back over she goes to the ice cream machine & gets an ice cream cup out. I ask her if she can just put the ice cream in my drink cup. She then tells me no, I paid for two separate things so she has to put them in two separate containers. I then nicely throw out there that it just seems like a waste of containers since as soon as I get it I'm going to put it in my drink cup. Her reaction?

"You can't do that!"

...*blink blink*

She went on to explain to me that since they don't offer it like that anymore, if I did it in front of other customers they may "get confused" that they could have that for one price, so I'd need to wait until I was out of the store to mix my ice cream in my drink.

So you've heard it here first...I'm an evil genius who almost teased people with my tasty ice cream & root beer concoction.

Sam's Club...something was in the air there today. Maybe people had sampled too much kitty litter.

After I got home, I prepared my latest angry letter.

Later tonight we finally put our pumpkins out front. Our yard has been decorated for a few days, but the giant pumpkins I got at Sam's the last time I went there had been out back. I dug to the bottom of ever box to get the biggest pumpkins I could. I figured for $8 each, I should my moneys worth. First I was just looking for perfect ones, but then I decided that sized mattered much more. Insert your own joke in there.

So here I share with you pictures of my lame decorations. Enjoy.

First, everyone in my house gets a pumpkin. Well, every human. I can't afford a pumpkin for everything living my house. Anyway, here is Picadilly's pumpkin...


Jules helped put them out...

Then this picture happened...

I'm not sure what is going on, but that's my dogs butt.

Here is his head, if you're curious...


bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark...

Here is my house from the street...

Stalk me.

And from the side...

Because nothing is more scary than mums.

Oh, wait, yes there is...

Garden. Gnomes.

Calm down, it's just a picture, they can't hurt you.

I'm not sure why I'm proud of some caution tape.


But I am proud of...


My natural predator owl.

We bought that last summer, when the birds were eating our dogs food & driving him nuts. Well, it didn't work. It really just gave them something to land on before getting into his food dish. So now we just put it out for Halloween, which is fine with me because really, how would you feel having that thing on your front porch all summer? Shame, I felt shame.

Even my decorative bunny is ready for Halloween...


He's a caution ninja. It's an original costume idea, don't hate.

My annoying inflatable is out, of course...


Oh yeah...



Here is my son, dancing in the graveyard...


But he doesn't just dance, he destorys...


He's obviously gifted, angering the evil spirits at such a young age.

The he & Adam ran away...


Leaving me to deal with the angry spirits myself.


Of course, in this case, the angry spirits are...


as scary as my caution ninja bunny.

Yeah, the scarecrows are my idea of humor. I know, I know...

I can't wait until Christmas...8 foot tall Frosty, here we come! Maybe I'll pose the scarecrows poking around Frosty. You never know the kooky things I come up with. You know, like ice cream & soda mixed together.


  1. I'd have told the Sam's club lady "screw you" and mixed it anyways. Acutally, I probably would have said "whatever" and moved to a table and mixed it. I love the caution tape, but is that actually scary in your neighborhood? It seems like it would be the norm to me. Can't wait till we create our own stories in Vegas.

  2. Oops that last post was by me, Dawn. Though you probably would have figured it out by process of elimination.



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