Sunday, August 2, 2009

I had so much fun with my husband in the dark house the other night.

Don't get excited, or grossed out depending on who you are, it's not as hot & great as you (your my husband) is thinking.

I'm a very modern person. I don't "rough" it. Not even close. To me, going camping is something only the mentally ill do. Sleeping...outside? Are you crazy? You must be (only the mentally ill do it, remember?). And don't tell me about how this or that makes it better. I don't care if you have showers, an air matress or even a "camper" my answer is still no. Do you know why? Because some things for me are a must. For one, a temp. controlled enviroment is a must. I also like good lighting & running water within several feet of me at any given moment. But that isn't really the point, so excuse my rant on camping. I just can't stop it once I think about camping.

Anyway. To me, roughing it is keeping my AC over 71 degrees, & I don't even do that. My house is a nice, chilly 69 degrees in the summer. I love lighting. I love my fancy TV (still on the wall, btw, for you long time readers who wonder sometimes). I like to play on this thing called the interweb.

Basically, I love me some electricity. I want my lights & everything else on, I don't really care if that means child labor by making small children run on a hampster wheel to power my house. Put those kids to work & let me turn my TV up good & loud so I can't hear the whinning. I have kids & a husband, I'm use to whinning anyway.

So imagine my horror last night when...the power went out.

I go into panic mode when the power is out. Well, I panic when anything goes out, be it power or the water, or the cable. I'm very spoiled, I'll admit it (in case you didn't realize this already). I don't do well by candle light. We usually don't have flash lights, because we just aren't prepared for anything like that. In fact, the only reason we have candles is because last time the power went out I was out doing errands & picked some up on my way home when I realized it was still off. Being the great wife & mother I am, as soon as I could, I got dressed & went out shopping for groceries when we didn't have power & didn't intend on going home until it was on. We got the news that it'd be off then until at least noon the next day, so I stocked up on things to make the expierence less painful & went home. Thankfully, the power came on as soon as I got home. I felt very blessed by that.

But anyway, the power went out. And I heard a "boom"noise, which I knew meant was bad. I called the power company right away, because I want them to know I'm miserable. I never wait to call, I call as soon as I have a light to read the number. One time I didn't want to be the first asshole calling to complain, I gave it 3 hours, then when I finally called they told me NO ONE had reported it yet. So I suffered longer than I needed to. I don't allow that to happen anymore.

So it went off around 1am. By 1:05 I was on the phone getting the bad news that it wasn't expected on until noon. This, of course, was after I went all through their automated system. When it asked "do you need to report a hazzard condition?" I wanted to blurt out, "Fuck yes I do, it's 2009 & I want some damn electricity NOW!" but I refrained.

So along with my horror, I went a little crazy. All of our cats were freaked out, so they all gathered in our living room. All of them besides Macy, since she doesn't care about anything ever. Thankfully, preparing for a homebirth required us to buy flashlight so we had a couple on hand, which Adam said we should use in a game. We should turn all of the lights...uhhh...candles, blow out all the candles, & on the count of 3 turn our flash lights on & if it's on a cat we get 10 points.

Since I was crazy, I came up with a new game. A game called "how many cats do you think I can hold at once for 5 seconds?"

It was a fail. Cats don't like when you try to pick up 2 of them at a time, so even 3 is impossible.

But that was only the start of our night. I decided we should document it all on film...or memory card at least.

First off, do you know how much cats love candles? I sure didn't. Mainly Hammy never wanted to leave them...


I think he was trying to talk to the ghost that lives in our house. Several of our cats melted some of their whiskers during the first hours candles were lit.

Then I told Adam my idea of taking pictures & this is what he gave me...


He's dressed perfectly for the event of calling on the ghost with Hammy.

We decided to go outside, because we're weird. Always great to see...



Nothing makes me as angry as that. If there is no power at my house, everyone should suffer with me. I wanted to go over there & knock on their doors & yell at them for using their lights. I'd also have to go down the street because we could see people on 9th avenue had power as well. We're on 10th avenue, btw.

Basically, this was just salt in my "I want my power back!" wound.

Speaking of salt, as we're standing on our porch Adam tells me "be careful, there are slugs everywhere out here."

Know what else I hate? Slugs. And pretty much any bug. As a child my parents had me put salt on them to make them vanish. I'm now filled with pain & regret about this behavior, but I knew no better. So even though I don't want to hurt them, I still hate them & their slime. Even the name...slug. Ugh. So then I started a high pitch screetching something along the lines of, "ew, not, stop, god, no, eww, shit, WHY?!"

I'm not overracting here, people. These are pretty impressive slugs...


Like I said...ew, not, stop, god, no, eww, shit, WHY?!

Of course, this doesn't stop our dog, Buddy Dog, as he protects the dark yard. That means he ran in circles & barked at the dark...


Good dog. Keep it up until the power people come.

Next we went back in & played with the cats more. By playing I mean we did this...


...while making jokes about how they are being beamed up. And we did it several times. And laughed each time.

It's late, remember this please.

Of course, even the blackness of the night can't stop Adam from snooping (this picture with the aid of flash, in case you're wondering)...


Seriously, it's DARK you aren't going to see anything. But like I said, just in case, he was there.

Speaking of the dark, do you know I'm scared of the dark? I slept with a nightlight until I was in college, people. Scared...


Serial killers & power outages...both have that reaction from me.

I had a GREAT idea next...



Yes, you can do it with nothing more than a candle & a butter knife. A marshmellow or two is helpful as well.

It works. See?!


I look happy.

I was even nice enough to roast some for Adam...


But he's a big cry baby & didn't like my marshmellow because it didn't have that "campfire" taste.


That was also with the aid of flash. And the aid of our baby who didn't want to sleep alone upstairs during this party.

But next time I guess I'll just start a small fire in our living room with some of the wood from the deck to make sure he's got his "campfire" taste. Beggers can't be choosers, you know?

Of course Adam then made his own & did this...


Yay, carmalized. He then realized it's not very easy to roast marshmellows, so I felt somewhat better after his failure of the marshmellow.

But I was still proud of mine!



Then Adam tried to look like the serial killer I was afraid of above...


I really should still sleep with a nightlight, don't you think?

Soon though, Adam retired to upstairs with our son, while I sat up in the dark thinking about how much I hated the dark. Then I decided to take one more picture, using the flash even...


We have alot of cats. We should become a non-profit to buy our cat food without having to pay taxes.

For those wondering, the power did come back up. At 6am. I then got up & turned everything off, since lights, TV, etc. was on. Adam, being the wonderful man he is, woke up & said, "Oh, the power is back on!" then he rolled over & went back to sleep, leaving me to do the turning off.

I'd complain, but he did just buy me a brand new wedding ring to replace my missing one. One that was about 3 times more expensive. But it was on sale, so that's how I tricked him into that.

Anyway, even though it would appear a good time was had, let me assure you I was suffering the entire time. If nothing else, this expierence reminded me that, as I always knew, if I have to sale Adam's organs to pay for it, I'll always make sure my power bill gets paid on time & I never go without if I can help it.

How much can you get for like a lung anyway? More than enough to keep my house well lit & at a nice 69 degrees in the summer, I'm sure.


  1. 69 degrees?! Are you kidding?! I would love that. I'm living with my mother until Tim finishes with Basic and AIT and she keeps it at 80. Kill me. I love the documentation with you have an ass load of fucking cats. I mean, you have always said you have a lot of shit. I think two is a lot.

  2. YES! I HAVE TONS OF CATS! Remember, I wanted to ship you one when they were kittens. lol



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